Breaking the previous record of one (You Can’t Dia-Beat Us!)

A new study shows that the Covid vaccine does not cause infertility in men or women. ‘Dammit, why did I get this?’ —Michael Che

A British group set a new world record when more than 200 people rode a roller coaster naked. Breaking the previous record of one. --Michael Che, SNL

Dunkin’ Donuts announced that every Friday in March it will give away a free doughnut with a drink purchase. It’s part of a promotion to launch their new slogan: Dunkin’ Donuts, You Can’t Dia-Beat Us! —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now (Finally, some good news)

March 2022

“As we told you yesterday, McDonald’s, Starbucks and now Coca-Cola have announced that they are suspending business in Russia. Yes, which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now.” —Trevor Noah

“One of the major companies is Starbucks. They just closed all 130 of their stores over there. Yeah, and that was just on one street.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There’s always Dunkin’ Donuts, but Putin was like: ‘Nyet. That’s what America runs on.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And then, facing growing public pressure, Papa John’s announced that it is halting all Russian business operations. Russians were like, ‘Finally, some good news.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, they’re the Lakers (Haze a nipple heave)

March 2022

Some military experts have been surprised that despite having superior firepower the Russian army has been slowed by aging equipment, poor motivation and inept leadership. So basically, they’re the Lakers. —Colin Jost

The House voted to award the congressional gold medal to the only female all-black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all in his new film Inglorious Basterds. —Colin Jost

Dunkin’ Donuts has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock Macchiato, which combines espresso, vanilla and Irish creme. It’s the festive, sugary drink that will have you saying, Top O’ the Morning and losing the bottom O’ your leg. —Colin Jost

 Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy saying, ‘Have a little heart.’ Or as the contestants would guess, ‘Haze a nipple heave.’ —Colin Jost

According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink the overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiasts when I say, ‘Buh?’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ll use them cause it’s safer, I guess, but it doesn’t feel good (the dude is almost 90 and he skin looks amazing)

I’m not even really a democrat. I just vote Not Republican. Democrats are like condoms to me. I’ll use them cause it’s safer, I guess, but it doesn’t feel good. —Michael Che

NASA announced it is looking for people of diverse backgrounds to become astronauts for future missions to Mars. Good luck getting black people on a ship to a new world. —Michael Che

A North Carolina woman celebrated her 100th birthday by asking a sheriff’s deputy to arrest her for the first time ever and take her to jail. No need to look it up. She’s white. —Michael Che

Dunkin’ Donuts announced that every Friday in March it will give away a free doughnut with a drink purchase. It’s part of a promotion to launch their new slogan: Dunkin’ Donuts, You Can’t Dia-Beat Us! —Michael Che

It was reported that as part of William Shatner’s divorce settlement from his ex-wife, he will gain custody of the couple’s supply of horse semen. Now, I don’t want to speculate on what he’s doing with all that horse semen, but the dude is almost 90 and he skin looks amazing. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump’s newest plan is to build his wall out of his former staff (having some weird feelings)

Elizabeth Warren is also in the news. A new poll found that she's currently in third place in her own home state of Massachusetts. But keep in mind, second place is a Dunkin' Donuts cashier, and first place is Gronk. --Jimmy Fallon

In the last two days President Trump has fired his head of the Department of Homeland Security and the head of the Secret Service. I guess Trump’s newest plan is to build his wall out of his former staff. --James Corden

"The Pentagon admitted it's been spying on gay groups. The Pentagon also admitted that since it's started spying on gay groups, it's been having some weird feelings." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

A Word to the 1% (Looks like someone is trying to make Vladimir Putin jealous)

Donald Trump announced that he will be meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un around Valentine’s Day in Vietnam. Looks like someone is trying to make Vladimir Putin jealous. --James Corden

That’s how afraid Trump is of the Russia investigation right now. He’s asking his doctor to write him a note to get into Vietnam. --James Corden

Valentine’s Day is next week and to celebrate Dunkin’ Donuts will be hosting donut themed weddings at a chapel in Las Vegas. The first 100 couples will receive a bouquet made entirely out of donuts. Yeah, this is exactly what Vegas weddings need. More regret. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

I kind of hope for the next impeachment that they bring back Billy Crystal (he can still fit in his Confederate uniform)

There is a lot of football excitement here in New York City this weekend. This morning this morning on my way to work I go into the Dunkin Donuts down the street you know and the mice in the Dunkin Donuts are spelling out Go Jets! --David Letterman 1/11/1999

Strom Thurmond he's like 107 he looks pretty good. You seen the guy he looks unbelievable and people tell me that he can still fit in his Confederate uniform. --David Letterman 1/11/1999

As you know by now the Impeachment proceeding in the Senate is being the judge for the proceeding is Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist. Which is too bad I think we're all hoping for judge Ito weren't you a little bit. I think Rehnquist will do a you know I think he'll do an okay job but I just I kind of hope and maybe it's just me I kind of hope for the next impeachment that they bring back Billy Crystal. --David Letterman 1/8/1999

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe (The search for a moral justification for selfishness)

I saw that Starbucks is going to start blocking adult websites from their Wi-Fi networks. They said there's a time and a place for that type of behavior, and it's all day at Dunkin' Donuts. --Jimmy Fallon

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Dennis Rodman has more foreign policy experience than Jared Kushner

Jared Kushner, who of course is married to [President Donald Trump’s] daughter Ivanka, went to Iraq today, where he met with the Iraqi prime minister. Which is strange. Because Jared Kushner’s a real estate developer. He’s 36 years old. He has no experience dealing with foreign governments. This is a guy who negotiates rent. His job is to figure out how much it will cost to put a Dunkin’ Donuts on the first floor of an office building. –Jimmy Kimmel

Dennis Rodman has more foreign policy experience than Jared Kushner. –Jimmy Kimmel

So you have to wonder why the president would send him to a military operation in Iraq. There’s only one possible explanation: I think the president might be trying to kill him. A lot of fathers don’t get along with their son-in-laws. If you’re president, you can throw a black bag over his head and ship him off to Iraq. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020