I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot (a live goose and an axe)

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” –James Corden

Anyone here have plans to travel over the holidays? Well, you might have to check your flights because American Airlines just experienced a computer glitch that has allowed all their pilots to take vacation at the same time, meaning that thousands of flights in December have no one to fly them. This is all part of American Airlines’ new campaign to make the rest of their services seem less awful. “Okay, fine. I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This would be like if Thelma turned on Louise (he realized the end might be near)

December 2020

“Uncle Scam has been raking it in with $170 million raised since the election. For what? I don’t know. He knows the results are not going to be overturned, but I guess he saw an opportunity to make money. It’s like setting up your bake sale outside a Curves.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Still, the future is not rosy for the president, as his attorney general, Bill Barr, publicly countered the president’s false narrative of election fraud in an interview with the Associated Press: ‘We have not seen fraud on a scale that could have effected a different outcome in the election,’ said Barr. If Bill Barr had a neck, Trump would totally be wringing it right now. Barr has been one of Trump’s most obnoxiously loyal allies, emphasis on ‘lies’ in allies. This would be like if Thelma turned on Louise.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Though Trump has continued to spew baseless claims of fraud on Twitter, according to CNN, sources claim Trump ‘sees the writing on the wall’. I’m glad he finally sees the writing. I guess once he lost Wisconsin five times in 10 days, he realized the end might be near.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only difference between this and a banana republic is that Trump does not eat fruit (Hey, go easy on my cronies)

“Sometimes you feel like Donald Trump is corrupting all of the democratic institutions that we hold dear. Well, I’ve got some good news for you: you’re not crazy to feel that way. The latest example was Trump crony and man voted Best Dressed at Nuremberg, Roger Stone, who was convicted of seven felonies last year and recommended by federal prosecutors for a prison sentence of seven to nine years. But even that lighter sentence did not sit well with Stone’s old pal Donald Trump. By some impossible coincidence – how it could it be?! – it was then announced that the justice department will take the extraordinary step of lowering the recommended prison time for Roger Stone. So Donald Trump and his attorney general are using the justice department to go easy on his cronies. The only difference between this and a banana republic is that Trump does not eat fruit.” —Stephen Colbert

“As a protest against Trump’s carriage of misjustice, all four of Roger Stone’s prosecutors resigned. That’s right, they all walked. It must not have been easy for them to find the exits, since Bill Barr has relocated the Department of Justice up Trump’s ass.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Have you seen that chick Jared’s with? Exactly my type (That’s like Nicolas Cage turning down a movie role)

“Bill Barr refused to publicly defend the president? Something is seriously wrong.
That’s like Nicolas Cage turning down a movie role.” --Stephen Colbert

“In a series of rage tweets this morning, he wrote ‘A fake Washington Post con
job.’ ‘Totally untrue and just another fake news story,’ ‘lowlife reporters,’ ‘pure
fiction’ from a ‘garbage newspaper.’ He said this ‘never happened’ and there
were ‘no sources,’ which means it definitely happened and there are multiple
sources.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course, there’s only one way to make sure a story about Trump is true, and that’s if he rage-tweets his denial: ‘Bill Barr did not decline my request to talk about Ukraine. The story was a fake Washington Post con job with an ‘anonymous’ source that doesn’t exist. Just read the transcript. The Justice Department already ruled that the call was good. We don’t have freedom of the press!’ I’m not sure what to make of that last sentence. Is that a complaint or is that a new executive order? [imitating Trump] ‘We don’t have freedom of the press. Write that down. While we’re at it, we’re also getting rid of that one where we can’t covet other people’s wives. Have you seen that chick Jared’s with? Exactly my type.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”