Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods (she handed him a live goose and an axe)

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” It’s going to be awkward when the robots need repairs. Do you just show up to the Genius bar with a human-sized duffel bag like, “Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods.” –James Corden

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods (So, it works)

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” It’s going to be awkward when the robots need repairs. Do you just show up to the Genius bar with a human-sized duffel bag like, "Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods". –James Corden

Amazon has introduced a new facial recognition technology, and it seems like there might be a few bugs because when they recently tested the software on the faces of members of Congress, the program identified 28 of them as convicted criminals. So, it works. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which meant that for once, Joe Biden wasn't the only one wearing a bib (A Special Kind of Stupid)

"There was one really awkward moment when Hu found out that Obama was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and, out of force of habit, tried to have him arrested." –Jay Leno

"At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Hu told President Obama's 9-year-old daughter, Sasha, that she's a pretty little girl and asked her how many iPods she could make in an hour." –Conan O'Brien

"At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, they served lobster. Which meant that for once, Joe Biden wasn't the only one wearing a bib." –Jimmy Fallon

"Chinese President Hu Jintao is visiting us. When a country owes you a billion dollars they have a problem. When they owe you a trillion dollars, YOU have a problem. We’re too big to fail!" –Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

All right, at least give me a hint (Born in the USA)

"President Obama has written a children's book. Why not? He's got nothing else on his plate." –David Letterman

"A new poll found that 41 percent of Americans don't know who the Vice President is. In response, Joe Biden was like, "All right, at least give me a hint." –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview on MSNBC, Levi Johnston said he has no idea if additional troops will help the war in Afghanistan. Which of course begs the question, who the hell is asking Levi Johnston about strategy for Afghanistan." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama has listed the songs on his iPod. The Tea Partiers are checking to see if 'Born in the USA' is on the list." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Israel introduced its newest defense weapon: paper (Plus One and That's It)

"During a trip next month, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he's planning to throw a rock at Israel. And today, Israel introduced its newest defense weapon: paper." –Jimmy Fallon

"After a lot of speculation, the Chinese government has decided not to change its one-child policy next year. In a related story, China just renewed its most popular show, 'Jon & Kate Plus One and That's It.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview with Rolling Stone magazine, President Obama said he has Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, and the Rolling Stones on his iPod. Unfortunately, the question was 'Do you have a plan to fix the economy?'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Did you say Majestic Caboose? (Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome)

Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, "Yep. Seems about right." --Jimmy Fallon

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

right between a bus pass and sneakers with the wheels on the bottom (her only hobby is waving)

"When the president met with Queen Elizabeth, he presented her with an iPod loaded with Broadway show tunes while she gave him a silver framed picture of her and Prince Phillip. There were no winners in that gift exchange, because when I think of things an 83-year-old, super-rich British woman would want, an iPod is pretty far down the list, right between a bus pass and sneakers with the wheels on the bottom." --Seth Meyers

"And when I think of what a 47-year-old, super-cool black dude would want, a picture of an 83-year-old white lady is last. Now I'm not saying it's easy to buy the Queen a gift. She wears the same outfit every day and her only hobby is waving." --Seth Meyers

"But if you're looking for gift ideas for foreign leaders, you should check with the State Department and not Sasha and Malia. And while we're at it, Queen, a picture of yourself is not a good gift. Let's try to remember, you're world leaders, not Secret Santas." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Someone needs to tell Barack not all queens like show tunes (Well, that'll help you fall asleep)

"It was a big day in London. President Obama met Queen Elizabeth and gave her an iPod with 40 Broadway songs loaded on it. Someone needs to tell Barack not all queens like show tunes." --Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, you know that new X-Men movie, 'Wolverine,' that's coming out this summer? The F.B.I. is investigating it. There's an HD version that was leaked online. As soon as the F.B.I. solves the case, they'll get back to looking for bin Laden." --Jimmy Fallon

"And according to MSNBC, experts say insomnia can double your risk of suicide. Well, that'll help you fall asleep." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope (a full set of perfect teeth)

"Yesterday, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama met the Queen of England. As a gift, they gave the Queen an iPod. I guess she can use that while she's jogging. And she likes it. She said it's so much easier to use than that giant boom box she used to carry around." --Jay Leno

"So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope." --Jay Leno

"People in England are lining up by the thousands to see President Obama, because this is really different for them. They've never seen someone like him — a 47-year-old man with a full set of perfect teeth." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Now she can listen to Lil Wayne on the treadmill without anyone bothering her (I mean, it was just like my honeymoon)

"President Obama visited Buckingham Palace and he met with the Queen of England, and here's what they did. They briefly shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. I mean, it was just like my honeymoon." --David Letterman

"It's a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That's quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million." --Craig Ferguson

"President Obama is in London right now for a meeting with 19 other world leaders. This morning, he and the First Lady met Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace. He gave her an iPod as a gift, which is perfect. Now she can listen to Lil Wayne on the treadmill without anyone bothering her." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises (F for Fantastic)

"Republican senator from Idaho Larry Craig has pled guilty to lewd behavior in a men's room. The senator said I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises." --Conan O'Brien

"The police report says he tapped his foot, which means 'I want gay sex.' And, also means I'll never wear my iPod to the bathroom again." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Needless to say, Senator Craig is also anti-gay marriage and gays in the military, which I think, shows he doesn't let his personal needs interfere with his work." --Jimmy Kimmel, on Larry Craig's bathroom incident

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

900 iPods (sex robots) And I want to you get real hot!

Apparently this will even go beyond sex, and you’ll actually be able to seduce the robots. What? The whole point of having sex with a robot is that you don’t have to seduce it! I don’t talk my microwave into heating up my coffee. “I’m going to put this cup of coffee inside you for about 90 seconds, OK? And I want to you get real hot!” –James Corden

It’s going to be awkward when the robots need repairs. Do you just show up to the Genius bar with a human-sized duffel bag like, “Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods.” –James Corden

A study published in the journal Menopause revealed that as they age, women tend to have better memories than men. There is no way this is true. Back when I was single, every woman I met in a bar couldn’t even remember her own phone number. They were always giving me the wrong ones by accident. –James Corden