It's as close as he can get to Wall Street without spontaneously combusting

Chris Christie was the focus of a shaming campaign after a fan at a basketball game photographed him seemingly pouring a bag of M&Ms into a box of M&Ms. I guarantee you Chris Christie did not know the score of that basketball game. Are we really shocked Chris Christie is eating M&Ms? The man endorsed Trump. He sucks at making healthy decisions. –James Corden

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have scheduled a debate for next Thursday in Brooklyn. Which is about as close as Bernie Sanders can get to Wall Street without spontaneously combusting. –Seth Meyers

The DEA has announced that by the middle of the year they may decide to remove marijuana from its Schedule 1 category of dangerous drugs. Because, let’s face it, it’s absurd to have “marijuana” and “schedule” in the same sentence. –Seth Meyers

Subway has begun posting calorie counts on the menu boards at its 27,000 stores nationwide. And Chipotle is posting a body count. –Seth Meyers