giving them a day that's missing an hour (I always assumed I would be impeached)

"Yesterday was not only daylight savings time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour." –David Letterman

"Last week I announced that I'm retiring. Now I'm hoping I can hang on long enough so my son can take over the show. I never thought I would retire. I always assumed I would be impeached." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”