And if you want to get them a gift… hurry! (at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them)

A man in the U.K. saved his pet tortoise by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them. –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney is back in the news. He's talking about his memoirs. Cheney said that George George Bush stopped taking his advice during the second term of their Administration. And in Bush's defense, I think it's pretty natural to lose trust in a guy who shoots his friends in the face." --Jimmy Fallon

I read about a 98-year-old woman and a 94-year-old man here in New York who just got married. And if you want to get them a gift… hurry! –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”