"Midnight tonight is the deadline for Congress to pass their budget for the year. And if they don’t, things shut down – which is bad because we need to keep the government working so they can continue to not do things on our behalf." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama gave a speech today suggesting that this is kind of a hostage situation. But the Republicans who came up with the idea said they're not holding America hostage, and if he bothered to read their ransom note, that would be perfectly clear." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Yeah, money is tight right now in Washington. In fact after 128 years, the National Aquarium in D.C. may have to close because it's running out of money. Officials say they plan on relocating all the fish to another aquarium nearby – then the fish were like, 'Hey, isn't that a Red Lobster?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Diplomats from around the world have been spotted at strip clubs all over New York City while they are in town for the U.N. General Assembly. Things got pretty weird when the diplomat from Iran tried paying for his lap dance with goats." –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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