Their entire ideology is faceplanting in front of the entire world (Power Bottom)

In some great economic news for President Biden, U.S. Oil production hit an all-time high this week, and the economy added a surprisingly robust 350,000 jobs. Or as Fox News reported it, are migrants turning your kids trans? —Colin Jost

Campaign finance records show in the last six months, the Super Pacs behind Donald Trump spent $50 million on legal fees, and that’s with the cheapest worst lawyers on the planet. Can you imagine spending $50 million on the people who just lost you $83 million? Trump’s lawyer did such a bad job I thought her actual name was overruled sit down. —Colin Jost

The FCC is preparing to criminalize unsolicited robocalls that use AI to impersonate politicians. You can still impersonate Ted Cruz by shaving a sloth’s face. —Colin Jost

A family in Michigan whose duck lost its mate placed a personal ad online to find the bird a new partner, and in a loving act of understanding, they even specified, Power Bottom. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please wait patiently for the failure of the system (You’re beautiful when you sleep)

“The Federal Communications Commission’s approved of Amazon devices that remotely monitor your sleep with radar. Right now, Amazon’s like, ‘Yeah … now we’ll start watching you sleep.’ It’s going to be creepy when Alexa’s like, ‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ —Jimmy Fallon

Thousands of people across the country went skinny dipping this weekend in an attempt to break the 2009 world record of 13,648 skinny dippers. Then the sharks said, “Cool, they already took the wrappers off these.” –Jimmy Fallon

Former quarterback Tim Tebow is scheduled to speak at next week's Republican Convention. Trump was even going to have Tebow throw his signature hats into the crowd, but he wasn't sure they'd make it. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you like me? Are you thinking Real Housewives of the Vatican? (This concludes today's presidential lunch update)

July 2014

"People love the new Pope, but I think it's safe to say he's gone crazy. Now he's thinking about doing away with celibacy for priests. Are you like me? Are you thinking Real Housewives of the Vatican?'" –David Letterman

"I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Do you really want a priest showing up for the last rites with a date?" –David Letterman

"Now the FCC wants to update the Emergency Alert System so the president can interrupt any TV program. 'We interrupt this program so the president can tell America what he had for lunch: a good bowl of matzo ball soup. This concludes today's presidential lunch update.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (or if God just put the Earth on 'Shuffle.')

July 2014

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

"This crazy weather we've been having all over the country — it's because the polar vortex is back. The polar vortex is causing the Midwest to experience fall-like temperatures. I can't tell if climate change is still a problem or if God just put the Earth on 'Shuffle.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"And maybe that's why the FCC just announced that it wants to overhaul the Emergency Alert System so President Obama would be able to interrupt any TV broadcast and address the country instantly. Which of course raises the question: He can't do that ALREADY? They want to make it so the president can instantly interrupt TV broadcasts whenever there's breaking news. Then Obama said, 'And I mean REAL breaking news, not that CNN stuff.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not in that order, actually (What's your secret?)

November 2013

"President Obama announced that the U.S. and Iran have reached an important step in freezing Iran's nuclear program. When asked how they'd finally reached the agreement, Iran said, 'Patience, compromise, and oh, we lied. Not in that order, actually.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The Patriots overcame six fumbles and a score of 24-0 to beat the Broncos in overtime. It was amazing. They came back from dropping the ball and being down 24 points. Or, as Obama put it, 'What's your secret?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The FCC is reconsidering the ban on cellphone use on planes. There are ways to make air travel much, much worse. I think it's fine if people want to make calls from the plane, but I think they should have to step outside to do it." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Members of the tea party gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama's impeachment. The president said he appreciated their views and he is setting up a new website where they can voice their opinion." –Conan O'Brien

"Everyone is talking about Toronto's crack-smoking mayor. His reality show has been canceled after one episode. That is the difference between the U.S. and Canada. In America, when somebody goes off the rails we RENEW their reality show." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

that's still better than getting your head chopped off (he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia)

November 2013

"President Obama's approval rating is at 37 percent, the lowest point of his presidency. Here's how bad it is. You know the Thanksgiving turkey he's pardoning this week? The turkey said: No pictures. It didn't want to be seen." –Jay Leno

"PETA says that today's turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts, they're dying of heart attacks. I don't want to be insensitive, but that's still better than getting your head chopped off." –Jay Leno

"The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls during your flight. The bad news? The person sitting next to you will be able to make cellphone calls during your flight." –Jay Leno

"They got three feet of fresh powder back East. And that was just in freshman Florida Congressman Trey Radel's office. Radel says he's going into rehab and when he gets out, he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s going to be creepy when Alexa’s like, ‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ (Masters of War)

July 2021

“In other news, Fox News Media plans to launch a 24-hour weather channel later this year. Finally, branching out into something where it’s acceptable to be wrong half the time.” —Seth Meyers

“There are stories leaking out on Rudy Giuliani’s drunken appearance at the White House election party in November 2020, in which he told Trump’s team to ‘just say you won’. And if that didn’t work, Rudy’s other plan was for Trump to legally change his name to Joe Biden.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Federal Communications Commission’s approved of Amazon devices that remotely monitor your sleep with radar. Right now, Amazon’s like, ‘Yeah … now we’ll start watching you sleep.’ It’s going to be creepy when Alexa’s like, ‘You’re beautiful when you sleep.’ —Jimmy Fallon

“If you think this is strange, just before you nod off, a hologram of Jeff Bezos kisses you goodnight in the foyer.” —Jimmy Fallon

“OK, so, he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, and he delivers gifts … uh, Mom, Dad, you can just tell me – is Jeff Bezos Santa Claus?” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer, Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage (Being carjacked, LOL)

August 2011

"We finally get a black President, and our credit goes bad. If Obama's going to be stereotyped as black he should own it. And by 'own it' I mean rent it." –Daily Show "senior black correspondent" Larry Wilmore

"Obama is going to use 'weird' as code for 'Mormon.' I am really starting to respect that urban, rhythmic, Socialist, Kenyan secret Muslim." –Stephen Colbert, on the Obama campaign's apparent plan to target Mitt Romney as "weird"

"Some political analysts are saying that President Obama is making many of the same mistakes that President Bush made. Obama said, 'That's ridiculous, and if you'll excuse me, 'Spongebob' is on.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Nancy Pelosi has named the final members of the committee charged with reducing the debt. Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer, Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage." –Conan O'Brien

"The FCC says you will soon be able to send text messages to 911. I'm sure 911 operators can't wait to get texts that say, 'Being carjacked, LOL.'" –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Boy, they really have their fingers on the pulse of us, don't they? (selfie-made billionaire)

Kylie Jenner is on pace to become the world's youngest self-made billionaire, or selfie-made billionaire. Kylie Jenner's 20 years old. According to Forbes magazine she's already worth $900 million — more than her sister, Kim Kardashian who's only worth $350 million. She's poor. Who knew Kylie was the money bags in that family? --Jimmy Kimmel

The FCC, the Federal Communications Commission, now that they did away with net neutrality, they had another terrible idea. The FCC is considering a plan that would require U.S. citizens to pay $225 to make a complaint. So if you're mad about how high your cable bill is, soon you can pay the government $225 to complain about it. Boy, they really have their fingers on the pulse of us, don't they? --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is a game-changer! (better Google it while you can)

The FCC today voted 3-2 along party lines to repeal Obama-era net neutrality rules. And if you’re not sure what that means, better Google it while you can. –Seth Meyers

According to CNN, Anderson Cooper’s tweet yesterday calling President Trump a pathetic loser came from someone using his assistant’s phone that was left unattended at the gym. Wait a minute. You can have your assistant go to the gym for you? This is a game-changer! A game-changer! –Seth Meyers

While announcing plans to trim the size of the regulatory code, President Trump today cut a red ribbon with an oversized scissors that was draped across stacks of paper. Then, because of all the regulations he repealed, the scissors fell apart, a dolphin choked on the ribbon, and the paper burst into flames. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Off his game? That is Bush's game.

"Tonight's debate was what they called the town hall debate. Both candidates were seated on stools. It was funny, from force of habit, Bush said 'Scotch and water, hold the ice.'" --David Letterman

"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." --Bill Maher

"Political experts say President Bush was off his game. He looked distracted, confused, a little at a loss for words. Off his game? That is Bush's game." --Jay Leno, on the debate

Bradley Cooper was in the balcony with a rifle

"The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?" –David Letterman



"The Oscar telecast went smoothly. It helped that Bradley Cooper was in the balcony with a rifle in case any of the speeches went on too long." –Jimmy Kimmel

"New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates." –Jimmy Fallon