The New York Metropolitan Opera announced its singer Placido Domingo has stepped down after accusations of sexual misconduct. he will be replaced by his far less sexually aggressive understudy Flaccido Domingo. --Colin Jost, SNL
The National Toy Hall of Fame has announced its twelve finalists for this years class that includes Care Bears, Jenga, My Little Pony and longshot nominee, matches. --Colin Jost, SNL
A woman in Louisiana who became trapped under a camel freed herself by biting the animals testicles. The idea came to her after she wasted four hours licking them. --Michael Che, SNL
A new airport in China that has the world’s largest terminal and can handle 72 million passengers a year. Not to be outdone, officials at Newark just slid a coaster under a corner of the airport to keep it from wobbling. --Colin Jost, SNL
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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