She was so hot, guys, I wish you could’ve seen her, but she was so classified (There’s no rush. You’ve got plenty of time)

September 2022

“We looked into the case of JR Majewski, a GOP House candidate from northwest Ohio who appears to have lied about his military service. Majewski touted his combat experience in Afghanistan following 9/11, but military records show he served away from combat in Qatar. Majewski has denied misrepresenting his time in service, and claimed that all of his records of deployment are classified. Yeah, that’s right people, he cannot prove that he was in combat because all of the records are classified. And I believe him. Man, I’ve been there. When I was in middle school, my girlfriend was classified too, and it sucked. She was so hot, guys, I wish you could’ve seen her, but she was so classified.” —Trevor Noah

“An announcement from the governor of New York state, Kathy Hochul, that they plan to put surveillance cameras in every New York subway car. The plan is to have cameras in every train – basically the subway is starting an OnlyFans account. Which, I don’t know. This is either going to discourage public masturbators or really excite them. How are there not already cameras? There are cameras in every aisle at Duane Reade. I find it hard to even steal lipstick any more. The cameras won’t be installed until 2025, so if you were planning to commit a crime on the subway, there’s no rush. You’ve got plenty of time.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”