I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year (Be a part of the Revolution!)

Donald Trump and Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto held a joint press conference where Trump said the two did discuss his proposed border wall but did not address payment for its construction. Said Trump, “You know me, I don't like to talk about money.” –Seth Meyers

During a standoff yesterday, outside his home, singer Chris Brown reportedly threw a duffel bag out his window containing weapons and drugs later recovered by the police. I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton spoke yesterday about her preparation for the upcoming presidential debate, and told reporters, quote, “I do not know which Donald Trump will show up.” Yes — will it be the kind, generous and intelligent Donald Trump, or will it be the one who exists? –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason (population control experts)

A Florida man who accidentally fired a gun in a strip club restroom while trying to take a selfie has been sent to prison. The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason. –Conan O’Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it's one of those books that's all words." --Conan O'Brien

In his press conference, President Trump referred to the neo-Nazis as "history buffs." Then he referred to serial killers as "population control experts." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Then for the main course he swallowed his pride, dignity, and self-esteem (Let’s be honest: That’s the real crime, isn’t it?)

It is President Donald Trump’s birthday today, he’s 71 years old today. I’m just glad, I’m glad Donald Trump can finally have a day where he’s the center of attention. It must be hard to shop for Trump. What do you get the man who has everything? I know, I know something he doesn’t have, the popular vote. –James Corden

It was revealed yesterday that the FBI is now investigating President Donald Trump for obstruction of justice. I don’t know if Trump obstructed justice, but I’ll tell you what he has obstructed — my ability to talk about anything other than Trump every night on this show. Let’s be honest: That’s the real crime, isn’t it? –James Corden

If you are wondering what was on the dinner menu, Mitt Romney started by eating his words. Then for the main course he swallowed his pride, dignity, and self-esteem. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And instead of condiments, every one of those comes with a cry for help (you’re carrying something)

“Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days, and let me just sum it up for you: They basically said whether it’s a gun or a baby, you’re carrying something.” —Jimmy Fallon

A Minor League Baseball team in Pennsylvania is selling a hot dog wrapped in cotton candy topped with Nerds candies. And instead of condiments, every one of those comes with a cry for help. --Jimmy Fallon

In a speech last night, Trump said sometimes you have to toot your own horn because nobody else is going to do it. The last time someone else tooted Trump's horn it cost him $130,000. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If that doesn't get people to start watching soccer, nothing will (Green for the greater good)

"It was not a great weekend for the American soccer fan. We're still recovering from a draw with Portugal, 2-2. It was a long game, four points total, and America didn't win. If that doesn't get people to start watching soccer, nothing will." –Craig Ferguson

"Italy was eliminated from the World Cup. Italians were running through the streets waving their hands around, screaming at each other. Then they heard about the World Cup." –Craig Ferguson

"Starting today, there is a huge rock festival in England. It is called Glastonbury. These days, every country has its own music festival. England has Glastonbury. Here, we have Lollapalooza and Coachella. In North Korea, they have the Kim Jong Ill-ith Fair." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're going to do this as soon as they get a loan from Captain China (Tell McKinley I'm busy)

Donald Trump has called for a ban on all immigration to the United States. Of course, Trump said the ban would be lifted if he ever needs a new wife. –Conan O’Brien

"In Michigan, the world's oldest person recently turned 116. When the president called to congratulate her, she said, 'Tell McKinley I'm busy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"It's been reported Marvel Comics is getting set to bring back Captain America. They're going to do this as soon as they get a loan from Captain China." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I want to make sure Ukraine has enough tanks before I get my colonoscopy (Green for the greater good)

"My mother never breastfed me. She always had a headache."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

Why do dogs race to the door when you when the doorbell rings? It’s almost never for them. --Norm Macdonald

“There are seven modeling shows on television right now. There’s America’s Next Top Model which I like to call, Meal or No Meal.”—David Spade

“I want to make sure Ukraine has enough tanks before I get my colonoscopy.” –Kurt Metzger 1/26/2023

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And women approve of Obama's policy because finally a man is listening to them (the goodest news they have heard all year)

June 2013

"According to a poll, the majority of Americans are OK with the Obama administration listening in on our phone calls. Guys approve because they feel it increases security. And women approve of Obama's policy because finally a man is listening to them." –Conan O'Brien

"House Speaker John Boehner called NSA's Edward Snowden a traitor. But only because he leaked the name of his tanning bed." –Conan O'Brien

"Marco Rubio announced a new bill that would require immigrants to learn English to become citizens. Many Americans already say it's the goodest news they have heard all year." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If Trump gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices (War. Sure. That's free)

Guys, the midterm elections are coming up. And I saw that by election day, President Trump will have spoken at over 30 rallies in 5 weeks. The media says that's a lot of time to spend away from the White House, or as White House staffers put it, "Shut up." Yeah, I read that Trump is planning to hold 10 more rallies before November 6th. If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig on an air horn and hope nobody notices. --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Trump actually scheduled a rally in Florida on Halloween. He's giving out tickets by saying it's a live performance of "The Great Pumpkin." --Jimmy Fallon

As I mentioned, the midterms are coming up, and Americans are more divided than ever about who to vote for. So we thought, what if we can combine candidates to create one candidate that everyone can agree on? I'll show you what I mean. For example, if you combine Missouri Republican Noga Sachs with Tennessee Republican Jody Ball, they become Ball Sachs. Next up, if you combine California Green Party candidate Barry Hermanson with Michigan Democrat Debbie Dingell, they become Dingell Barry. If you combine -- Illinois Republican Jaye DeBates and Pennsylvania Republican Kurt Masser, they become Masser DeBates. Finally, if you combine Colorado Republican Peter Yu and Maryland Democrat Bill Frick, they become Frick Yu. I'm just saying, these are all candidates we can all agree on. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why A Third Party Vote Is NOT A Wasted Vote In 2016

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Jill Stein | The Young Turks Town Hall (FULL)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 6: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 5: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 4: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 3: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 2: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Part 1: Jill Stein "Debates" Clinton & Trump in Democracy Now! Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

DNC's Hand-Picked Candidate Now Losing To Racist Orange Billionaire

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Jill Stein OWNS Biased Fox News Host—Had Him Flustered

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Hillary Clinton was like, “OK, let's get cracking on that wall.” (dream catchers)

Today Donald Trump made a last-minute trip to Mexico to meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto — and you just know that as soon as Trump crossed into Mexico, even Hillary Clinton was like, “OK, let's get cracking on that wall.” –James Corden

The Mexican president is saying that he told Trump that Mexico would not pay for the wall, while Trump says they never discussed who would pay for it. In Trump's defense, who has ever gone down to Mexico and remembered what they did? –James Corden

If you're feeling frustrated with Trump's Mexico antics and you're not quite sold on Hillary Clinton, luckily there's another presidential candidate who has been making her voice heard and that's Green Party candidate Jill Stein. If you don't know who Jill Stein is, just picture Bernie Sanders, and now picture the woman in the back of his rally selling dream catchers. –James Corden