Wait, it's going to make us like them? (Dear Jesus)

We're going to start by talking about everybody's favorite subject: taxes. Over the weekend, Donald Trump's private tax documents were leaked to The New York Times, showing that in 1995 he posted a loss of $916 million dollars. The only people with a more embarrassing loss in 1995 were the prosecution team in the O.J. Simpson trial. –James Corden

Julian Assange says he has secret information about both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and that information may drastically change people's views of these candidates. Americans replied, “Wait, it's going to make us like them?” –James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month? (the murder of my waistline)

Ben and Jerry from Ben & Jerry's ice cream got themselves into a

scoop of trouble yesterday at Capitol Hill protesting against

money and politics. The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for

the murder of my waistline. –Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made

during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for

Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is. (Absolute Dead Last)

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting

seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them

with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political

move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against

cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for

giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint

of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to

leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in

high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those

are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should

be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

But the truth is that sometimes we find love and we make that person

our girlfriend or our wife — or as Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega

did, you could make that person your running mate. Daniel Ortega,

the incumbent running for president in Nicaragua, just made his wife

his vice presidential running mate. This sounds like a guy who forgot

it was their anniversary. Really have to scramble for a gift.

–James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because in New Jersey, every bird coughs (How not to wear a Disney sweater)

"The Senate is considering a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage. The amendment is expected to fall a few votes short because Senators Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott are antiquing in Vermont." --Conan O'Brien

"The founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton, which makes sense because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream." --Conan O'Brien

 

"A mild form of bird flu has been detected in New Jersey. Health officials said the bird flu was hard to detect, because in New Jersey, every bird coughs." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is (myth or sarcasm)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Donald Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And this beats President Bush's record of 11 appearances on the cover of Mad magazine (After all we've been through together?)

Ben from Ben & Jerry's has endorsed Bernie Sanders for president. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "After all we've been through together?" –Conan O’Brien

"The Pentagon's concerned that Facebook could pose a security risk to U.S. military personnel. Yeah, because apparently, there's no telling what al Qaeda could do if it knows what a soldier's five favorite romantic comedies are." --Conan O'Brien

"This is true, though. This is Obama's 12th appearance on the cover of Time magazine. And this beats President Bush's record of 11 appearances on the cover of Mad magazine." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know we laugh but the only thing worse than getting slapped is getting slapped with jazz hands (Joe Biden's Clock)

In Washington, D.C., yesterday Ben and Jerry, the ice cream guys, were arrested for being part of a political protest on the steps of the Capitol building. But some good did come out of it. They got a lot of new attention for their cause. Also, they got a new flavor of ice cream, which is Toilet Wine Toffee Crunch. –Jimmy Kimmel

“And the fallout from the Oscars slap is still rippling through show business, as producers of the Tony awards sent a letter to prospective audience members announcing a ‘strict no violence policy’. In the event of an incident, the letter continued, ‘the perpetrator will be removed from the event immediately’. I think this is good, because I’m going to tell you something: I know we laugh but the only thing worse than getting slapped is getting slapped with jazz hands.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Tax Day normally falls on April 15 traditionally, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for the murder of my waistline (self-righteous landfill of angry garbage)

They celebrated O’Reilly’s career, saying, “By ratings standards, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most accomplished TV personalities in the history of cable news.” By rating stands he is. By moral standards, he was a self-righteous landfill of angry garbage. –Stephen Colbert

Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. It's truly exciting to have a woman on there. Although, unfortunately, due to the wage gap, it is now worth $17. –Stephen Colbert

Ben and Jerry from Ben & Jerry's ice cream got themselves into a scoop of trouble yesterday at Capitol Hill protesting against money and politics. The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for the murder of my waistline. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden (If science was never questioned...)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Even more trouble today for Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee. A third woman has now come forward accusing Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct during his time in high school. That's three accusers. Or, as Republicans call it, three strikes and you are voted in for a lifetime appointment. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

President Trump has withdrawn his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, making this the first time in history Donald Trump has ever shown a dislike for anything golden. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

US just finished Dead Last among 46 countries in media trust (After all we've been through together?)

Ben from Ben & Jerry's has endorsed Bernie Sanders for president. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "After all we've been through together?" –Conan O’Brien

This weekend many of the Republican candidates said they used a fit bit. In fact, Jeb Bush uses his to see how much distance he can put between himself and his last name. –Conan O’Brien

In a tweet this morning, President Trump called Confederate statues “beautiful.” People were shocked because it’s the first time Trump has complimented anything that’s over 40 years old. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”