China, China and China. Not a detail guy (Leave That Fellas Behind)

"Sarah Palin also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office. Why is that?" --Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is calling for an amendment against gay marriage or as President Bush calls it, 'Leave That Fellas Behind.'" --Jay Leno

"Today, President Bush left on a seven-day trip to Asia. He's gonna visit South Korea, Thailand and China. That's right, yeah. Or, as Bush refers to them, China, China and China. Not a detail guy." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down (Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour)

"According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brein

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What does six bankruptcies make you as a businessman? (Overrated)

Researchers in Asia have developed a robot that is capable of assembling furniture from Ikea. Completely true! The robot assembled an Ikea chair in just about 20 minutes. If you think this will save you a lot of time, think again. The first step is, you've got to assemble the robots. --James Corden

It's amazing how advanced and human-like they are. The robots were even able to assemble the chair while drinking a Coors Light and yelling at their kids. --James Corden

And this is nice, they're also developing a robot that will throw your Ikea furniture away when it breaks three weeks later. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

there are many reasons he should not be a U.S. senator (You're Fired!)

Roy Moore is running for U.S. Senate in Alabama and there are many reasons he should not be a U.S. senator. The latest and most shocking are accusations of child molestation. He's been accused by five women of sexual misconduct and/or assault when they were young teenagers. They put him on a watch list at the mall. What man in his 30s is even willingly going to the mall in the first place? –Jimmy Kimmel

North Korean state media today called President Trump a coward for canceling his visit to the demilitarized zone during his trip to Asia. Listen, President Trump is a lot of things, but a coward is just one of those things. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

It's like he never left (you know what I'm saying)

President Trump, on his first day back in the United States after a 12-day trip through Asia, started the morning with a flurry of tweets. Trump took to Twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack The New York Times, promote "Fox and Friends," promote Sean Hannity, criticize three UCLA basketball players, send his condolences after another multi-victim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. And that's it, I think. It's like he never left. –Jimmy Kimmel

The president hasn't weighed in on the biggest story of the week, Roy Moore. Donald Trump's in a real bind. On one hand, he doesn't want to support an accused pedophile for Senate. His other hand is grabbing a woman by the — you know what I'm saying. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

that is the president of the United States you're accurately describing (forced to watch CNN)

As soon as Trump got home from his Asia trip he went back into Twitter attack mode. This morning he tweeted while in the Philippines, "I was forced to watch CNN which I've not done in months. And again realized how bad and fake it is. Loser." The "loser" seems oddly out of place, doesn't it? I think I know what happened, right. I think he was dictating the tweet, and Eric Trump walks by. –James Corden

Trump said he accomplished a lot of things on his trip, but North Korea seems to have a different opinion because yesterday North Korea state media published a scathing review of President Trump's trip to Asia. They said Trump displayed his "true colors as an old lunatic, mean trickster and human reject." Now you listen here, North Korea, we may not like him either, but that is the president of the United States you're accurately describing. –James Corden

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

60 million people were shouting, “Stay there!” (I spelled my name right!)

President Trump is headed home after his trip to Asia. And I saw that at one point, 2,000 protesters in the Philippines were shouting, “Go home!” — while back in America, 60 million people were shouting, “Stay there!” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump just went on Twitter and bragged about a poll showing that he has a 46 percent approval rating. Really? That’s like posting a math quiz on the fridge where you got a D+. “I spelled my name right!” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Help me, I’m trapped (Giant Panda Bears/0 days)

Years from now we can only hope that we will look back at all of this and laugh. And we will be like, “You remember that time when Trump called Kim Jong Un short and fat? Haha. Anyway, how long do we have to stay in this bunker?” –James Corden

While the president is on his [Asia] tour, the first lady is also traveling with him. During a public appearance with some school children at a zoo in Beijing, Melania Trump got photo bombed by a giant panda named Gu Gu. [shows photo] You can see it in those giant sad eyes, like, “Help me, I’m trapped.” Also, there is a panda behind her. –James Corden

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Where did my Moral Authority Go? (GOP pedophilia speechwriter)

I saw that President Trump is wrapping up his two-week trip to Asia. Yep, Trump said he couldn’t wait to get home, put on his pajamas, and tweet in his own bed. –Jimmy Fallon

During the trip, Trump met with Vladimir Putin. And he called people who criticized the meeting “haters and fools.” Then he introduced his new speechwriter — Mr. T. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I am loving some of these purchases you are making (Not a Gun Situation)

President Trump continues his diplomatic tour through Asia. Yesterday, in a joint appearance with Chinese President Xi Jinping, Trump gave China “great credit for taking advantage of the United States in trade negotiations.” Sounds like someone is looking for a new country to help him rig the next election. –James Corden

He said China took advantage of the United States, but then he gives China great credit for it. That’s like someone stealing your bank card and you going, “What the hell! Although, I am loving some of these purchases you are making.” –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Bruce Willis is not going to show up to save us (best case scenario)

Starting, as we often do, with President Trump, who has been in Asia for four days: Still no mushroom cloud, so that's a positive. --Jimmy Kimmel

But Trump is not in Asia to eat. He is there to neutralize the threat. He said, “Ultimately, it will all work out. It always works out.” Yeah, right. In the movies. Let's face it. Bruce Willis is not going to show up to save us. Best case, Dennis Rodman shows up to save us. --Jimmy Kimmel

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Fox & Friends has one less viewer (Single payer NOW, Cowards!)

Donald Trump is on a 13-day trip through Asia. “Fox & Friends” has one less viewer. –Stephen Colbert

On his way to Asia, Trump stopped off in Hawaii. Of course, that’s Obama’s home state. He’s very popular there, so people there didn’t want to say to Trump, “Aloha.” They wanted to say, “Aloha.” Look it up. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Are we taking the choo-choo or the beep-beep? (roller coasters)

I want to say congratulations to the Houston Astros, who won the World Series last night! What a great week for our guest tonight, Jose Altuve. He’s the shortest player in Major League Baseball. First, he wins the World Series, then he found out he’s going to Disney World, then he heard he’s tall enough to ride almost all the roller coasters. –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that President Trump leaves for a 12-day trip to Asia tomorrow. It got off to a bad start when he asked, “How long is the drive? Are we taking the choo-choo or the beep-beep?” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We thought it was not real!! (get help)

I read that New York City could host the World Cup in 2026. That’s right, thousands of people trying not to use their hands — or as that's called in New York, "riding the subway." –Jimmy Fallon

The Connecticut lottery's mobile app malfunctioned this weekend and told some lottery winners they had lost. When instead, they should have been told, “You have a lottery app on your phone — get help.” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Usually Bush is in the disorient (Make War, Not Love)

"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

"President Bush left for the Olympic Games early, in an effort to beat the traffic, landing in South Korea for a day of trade talks. It seemed like just another ordinary trip for the president, except, it's is his 134th visit to a foreign country! It's a record! He's now officially -- this is true -- our most traveled president in history. It's a little suspicious. Perhaps validating what I have been saying all along: President George W. Bush either has a thirst for international knowledge or is a drug mule." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

there is something about being at the White House our president cannot stand (sad pussycat)

"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

"But there is no denying Bush is a hard-core man of the road. Bush, of course, also holds the record for most presidential vacation days, 506 and counting. You know, between that and the travel days, I think it's clear there is something about being at the White House our president cannot stand. --Jon Stewart

"The big presidential debates are coming up. Are we still excited about that? Barack Obama wants to debate about foreign policy, and John McCain wants to debate about the big band era." --David Letterman

Tyrannosaurus rex (anyone from the cast of Entourage)

Hillary Clinton’s shortlist for running mate includes Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Sen. Tim Kaine, and HUD Secretary Julian Castro. Meanwhile, Donald Trump’s shortlist includes "anyone from the cast of 'Entourage.'" –Conan O’Brien

Some private companies are now taking over the reporting of local news. I read all about it in this week’s issue of US News & Zesty Cool Ranch Doritos. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists now think the Tyrannosaurus rex immigrated to North America from Asia. So now scientists think the T. rex was wiped out by its parents' crushing academic demands. –Conan O’Brien