"The Governor of Texas says God wants him to run for President. Michele Bachmann says God wants her to run for President. If God's that indecisive he's probably for Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno
"There's talk of splitting California into two different states. Apparently, this divorce between Arnold and Maria is bigger than we thought." –Jay Leno
"Rupert Murdoch was testifying in his phone hacking case today, and a man attacked him with a pie. Fortunately, Murdoch knew to move out of the way, because he heard about the plan on the guy's voicemail." –Jimmy Fallon
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