I had no idea The View was filmed in Texas (North North Dakota)

So president elect Trump said he wants to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. That's not all he also wants to change New Mexico to even better Mexico. As for Canada he plans on renaming it North North Dakota. —Greg Gutfeld

A group of feral hogs has been terrorizing Irving, Texas, tearing up yards and rooting through garbage. Well I had no idea The View was filmed in Texas. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When have you ever said something like that about somebody and then changed your mind? (It was four, but OJ died)

Hello, I’m Martin Short and I’ll be taking over as guest host of Jimmy’s show for the week while he’s on vacation. Jimmy isn’t here, but was he ever really? There was always something missing behind his eyes. But Jimmy needs a break – if there’s anyone who deserves the summer off after working hard all year, it’s talkshow hosts and teachers, in that order. —Martin Short

I guess Jimmy would begin his monologue talking about Donald Trump. I guess you can’t go to Outback Steakhouse without ordering the Bloomin’ Onion. Trump has said he is close to naming his running mate, having narrowed down the field to three people. It was four, but OJ died. —Martin Short

What a choice Trump has in his tiny little hands. The first pick is Doug Burgum, governor of North Dakota, who sounds like the name of your most annoying co-worker. Then there’s Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, who once called Trump a con artist. Or should we go to doormat No 3, Ohio senator JD Vance, who said he thought Trump was either a cynical asshole like Nixon or America’s Hitler. When have you ever said something like that about somebody and then changed your mind? —Martin Short

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oops, wrong picture, that's North Dakota (a woman named Juanita)

"Newt Gingrich has released a new ad attacking Mitt Romney because he knows how to speak French. Well Mitt Romney is not the only one. Jon Huntsman speaks Chinese and Rick Perry speaks gibberish." –Jay Leno

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, is now talking up his Mexican heritage. Not to be outdone today, Newt Gingrich said he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What a genius, he'll be missed (changing the earth)

In North Dakota this week a hunter narrowly escaped death when a pocketknife in his breast pocket deflected a bullet shot by another hunter. Man, you know we have too many weapons in this country when people are getting shot in the knife. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in Florida they call that the food pyramid (crying is not an emergency)

February 2023

“It looks like we might in store for an early spring. So New York, say goodbye to winter and say hello to smelling urine again.” —Stephen Colbert

“Republican Lauren Boebert called alcohol, tobacco and firearms ‘a fun weekend’ in western Colorado. Don’t get so full of yourself western Colorado, in Florida they call that the food pyramid.” —Stephen Colbert

“This week, it was suggested that roasted chile become the official aroma of New Mexico. I assumed the official New Mexico aroma was an abandoned RV that a bobcat is living in. Other state smells include a sock full of coins for Pennsylvania, sewer clown for Maine, dust for North Dakota and wet hippie for Oregon.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sadly eyewitnesses report that he was actually riding wood and chopping horses (What a genius, he'll be missed)

Dr. James Watts a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Former First Lady Nancy Reagan reports that her husband has been relaxing at their ranch riding horses and chopping wood. Sadly eyewitnesses report that he was actually riding wood and chopping horses. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

In North Dakota this week a hunter narrowly escaped death when a pocketknife in his breast pocket deflected a bullet shot by another hunter. Man, you know we have too many weapons in this country when people are getting shot in the knife. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Signs the United States Is Running Out of Money (his own limited edition baseball card)

July 2011

"I just read that George W. Bush is getting his own limited edition baseball card. You can tell it's Bush's card because eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's "Top Ten Signs the United States Is Running Out of Money"

10. For $10,000, you get your face on the dollar

9. The White House now has a two-drink minimum 

8. There's a listing on eBay for North Dakota

7. Barack Obama sold his Nobel Prize to 'Cash4Gold' 

6. Americans now attempting to sneak into Mexico 

5. Renting Biden's house to backpacking German tourists

4. Costs $25 for each bag the president wants to check on Air Force One

3. John Boehner getting paid in beach bum tanning gift cards

2. Country is moving in with England until we get back on our feet

1. Applied for a $40 billion loan from Oprah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Census Bureau lost count halfway through and had to start over (It's almost as if it works or something)

"The Pilgrims landed on this date in 1620. The first year they lost everything they had, in an Indian casino." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin is angry that Michelle Obama is suggesting that parents encourage their kids to eat healthy. Palin thinks that if we have healthy children, the terrorists have won." –David Letterman 

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises In The 2010 Census"

10. Census Bureau lost count halfway through and had to start over

9. Population has grown by 9.7 percent; Population's waist size has grown by 42 percent

8. North Dakota is used mainly for storage

7. The profile of the average American is a Minnesota claims adjuster name Duane

6. Wealthiest neighborhood is wherever Tiger Woods' ex-wife is staying that day

5. More Americans get their news from RKO newsreels than from any other source

4. Only one American wore a meat dress last year

3. Osama bin Laden owns a specialty cheese shop in Park Slope, Brooklyn

2. Eighty-seven percent of professional athletes have dated Kim Kardashian

1. Most common name for women: Mrs. Larry King

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What a genius, he'll be missed (At number two, Ezra)

Dr. James Watts a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

In North Dakota this week a hunter narrowly escaped death when a pocketknife in his breast pocket deflected a bullet shot by another hunter. Man, you know we have too many weapons in this country when people are getting shot in the knife. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey! This is America! We measure things in Delawares.

Donald Trump did more things today. For instance, he traveled to North Dakota to talk tax reform. And by "talk tax reform," I mean rambled incoherently until they turned his mic off. –Stephen Colbert

As Trump so sensitively mentioned, Texas is still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. And they will be for years. Meanwhile, another hurricane, Irma, is bearing down on Florida. It's the largest Atlantic hurricane ever reported. Experts say it's the size of France. Hey! This is America! We measure things in Delawares. –Stephen Colbert

Remember the 2016 campaign? If you really want to go back and relive every excruciating detail, good news — Hillary Clinton has a new book, "What Happened," which is better than the original title, "Anybody Wanna Buy a Barge Full of Unused Fireworks?" –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Once the water level dips down to your approval rating (I guess that's a threat)

I guess the good news is that despite the drought, the crops in North Dakota will still grow because of all of Trump's bull [bleep]. –James Corden

Donald Trump is now backpedaling a little bit regarding his decision to end DACA, the program that protects young undocumented immigrants from deportation. Last night Trump tweeted, "Congress now has six months to legalize DACA. If they can't, I will revisit this issue." Revisit the issue. I guess that's a threat. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans