"Newsweek used a photo to make Michele Bachmann appear crazy. That's what her words are for." –Jon Stewart
"'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' made $54 million this weekend. It's about small-brained creatures who rise up and take over the Earth. First they form political groups called Tea Parties." –Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin now has a second grandchild. Think how many she'd have if the Palins didn't practice abstinence. The kid's name is Grizzly Frances Moosehead Palin." –Jimmy Kimmel
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