Man, if the Justice Department still existed, you’d be in so much trouble (She left a paper trail about not leaving a paper trail)

An article in The Wall Street Journal reported that Kimberly Guilfoyle, the U.S. ambassador to Greece, had asked a political donor to pay off a $100,000 credit card bill. Man, if the Justice Department still existed, you’d be in so much trouble. — Michael Kosta

“Wow, that was not subtle. Usually it’s, ‘Meet me in the parking lot with a suitcase full of bills.’ But Guilfoyle was like, ‘Here is a PDF with instructions for how to send me a bribe.’” — Michael Kosta

“And damn, a $100,000 credit card bill? Now her current job makes sense: ‘Hmm, we need a new ambassador who really understands Greece. Kimberly, you’re deep in debt. You’d be perfect!’” — Michael Kosta

“Whoa, real criminal mastermind we got here. She left a paper trail about not leaving a paper trail. Didn’t help that she named the group chat ‘Paper Trail (Crimes).’” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ll never forget her immortal words: ‘Yaaahhghaahheetahaaaghhh!! (giveaway merch from the losing team)

June 2022

“So he duped $250 million from his most passionate supporters and then watched as they all go to prison while he sat in Mar-a-Lago double-fisting coconut shrimp. And these aren’t wealthy people. You can always tell when they’re wearing nothing but giveaway merch from the losing team.” —Stephen Colbert

“[imitating Giuliani ] I love Diet Pepsi, especially a robust, red Diet Pepsi, or, in the summer, a diet Pepsi rosé. I also enjoy boxed Diet Pepsi.’” —Stephen Colbert

“According to the January 6th committee, $1 million of the ‘election defense fund’ was donated to the personal foundation of Mark Meadows, Trump’s chief of staff. Yes, the Meadows foundation is a charity that raises money to fund research into how much money it can raise. Another $200,000 went to the former president’s hotels, and that was just Giuliani’s bar tab. And the former Fox News anchor turned Don Jr. paramour Kimberly Guilfoyle was paid $60,000 for her two-minute speech at Trump’s January 6 rally. But it was worth every dime. I’ll never forget her immortal words: ‘Yaaahhghaahheetahaaaghhh!!’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pretty impressive — 76 and he can still get an insurrection (his legal advice doesn’t get any better when he’s sober)

June 2022

“During yesterday’s congressional hearing, it was revealed that Donald Trump Jr.’s fiancée, Kimberly Guilfoyle, was paid $60,000 to speak at the rally before the Capitol attack. Well, technically, $20,000 to speak and then $40,000 to please stop.” —Seth Meyers

“Representative Liz Cheney’s assessment that Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani was apparently inebriated when advising the former president on election night. To be fair, his legal advice doesn’t get any better when he’s sober.” —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, today was former President Donald Trump’s 76th birthday. Pretty impressive — 76 and he can still get an insurrection.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m sorry who are you going to fight, an army of slow butterflies? (He paid Stormy Daniels for two minutes’ of work)

June 2022

“All week long the January 6th committee has been riding his ass just because he tried to overthrow the government. And now — and now — they’re even accusing him of fraud, just because he asked his supporters for money to set up an election defense fund and didn’t set up an election defense fund.” —Trevor Noah

“Trump took some of the money he said he’s going to use to fight election fraud and paid his son’s fiancée $60,000 for a two-minute introduction speech, which is such a scam, I don’t care what anyone says. That’s an even bigger scam than tai chi. Yeah, oh I’m sorry who are you going to fight, an army of slow butterflies?” —Trevor Noah

“Paying Kimberly Guilfoyle $60,000 proves that Donald Trump is a proud feminist ally. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. Everyone’s always complaining women get paid less for more work, but Trump, no, he is doing everything to close the wage gap. He paid Kimberly Guilfoyle for two minutes’ work. He paid Stormy Daniels for two minutes’ of work. Yeah, Trump isn’t breaking the law, he is breaking the glass ceiling.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

why can’t I just pay someone to take the convention for me? (The most dangerous minority in America)

August 2020

“First of all, I want to wish a speedy recovery to anyone who was listening to Kimberly Guilfoyle on headphones. I’m praying for you. And I guess we found the one person who actually signed up for Rudy Giuliani’s master class.” —Trevor Noah

“And aside from the speech being so loud Canada called the cops, the actual content was also ridiculous. ‘Donald Trump believes in me’? The dude also believes in Kim Jong-un and hydroxychloroquine. I don’t want to be in that group.” —Trevor Noah

“One big problem is that Trump and the G.O.P. were in Covid denial for months. The Democrats actually looked ahead, made time to produce something for their convention, four pretty smooth nights. The Republicans had to cram at the last minute. [imitating Trump] ‘I don’t understand — why can’t I just pay someone to take the convention for me?’” —Stephen Colbert

“The G.O.P. drew just 15.8 million people, while the first night of the D.N.C. attracted 18.7 million viewers. Unfortunately for Trump, Nielsen doesn’t have an Electoral College; nor does it count the millions of people with their TV sets off who still heard Kimberly Guilfoyle’s tortured cries echo through their dreams.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Revolution may be closer than it appears (45,000 Benghazis)

August 2020

“But here’s the thing that I don’t think Republicans understand — it’s hard to scare people about the damage Joe Biden could do after the damage Donald Trump has already done. ‘Joe Biden could destroy your way of life.’ Dude, I’m Clorox-wiping my grapes — how much worse could it [expletive] get?” —Trevor Noah

“And it’s especially crazy, considering that, at the last R.N.C., all they talked about was the four dead Americans in Benghazi, but now they’re acting like Trump did a great job by only having 45,000 Benghazis.” —Trevor Noah

“Trump’s presidency is like your 48-year-old cousin’s D.J. career — if it hasn’t been successful by now, it’s not going to be.” —Trevor Noah

“You know when you’re at a party and the music turns off and then all of a sudden you’re talking way too loud? That’s basically what Kimberly Guilfoyle did for an entire speech.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the first time in my life I’ve had to turn down the volume on C-Span (Guess which one first?)

“So in lieu of a platform, the R.N.C. released a one-page resolution that pledges its undying support to Trump. That’s not a political party — that’s a cult! [as Trump] ‘Welcome to the convention, everybody. Take off your masks and put on your matching Nikes and your MAGA hats. Then drink up our bleach-flavored Kool-Aid. I’m marrying all the daughters. Guess which one first?’” —Stephen Colbert

“A particularly hard watch was Donald Trump Jr’s girlfriend and vengeful banshee who will haunt your dreams, Kimberly Guilfoyle, who screamed this message of hope, ‘If you want to see the socialist Biden-Harris future for our country, just take a look at California!’ I’m trying to look at California, but there’s fire everywhere because of climate change. California’s governor, Gavin Newsom, is Guilfoyle’s ex-husband. I’m guessing that was not an amicable split. But I think I know who was awarded custody of the rage, because when it came to the president’s agenda, she had some very nuanced screams. Guilfoyle shouted, as if leading a worship service, to an empty room, ‘President Trump believes in you, he emancipates and lifts you up to live your American dream!Ladies and gentlemen, leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty and the American dream, the best! is yet! to come!’ Excuse me for hiding under my desk. Is the loud lady gone? I’m scared! This is the first time in my life I’ve had to turn down the volume on C-Span.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In Russia, not even Willy is free (We switched to Edibles years ago)

Here's some good news. Starting today, smoking is banned inside all Disney theme parks. When they heard that, all of the people in costume were like, "Whatever. We switched to Edibles years ago." --Jimmy Fallon

I read that New Zealand accents were just ranked the sexiest in the world. And everyone from Boston was like, "Oh, my God. Are you friggin' kidding me? This crap is wicked rigged! Rigged!" --Jimmy Fallon

Well, the President is also gearing up for 2020, and I heard Donald Trump Jr.'s girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, is joining the campaign as a senior adviser. Yep, while Don Jr. will remain in his role -- unpaid intern. --Jimmy Fallon

A whale wearing an electronic device was spotted off the coast of Norway, and experts think it was spying for Russia. When reached for comment, Vladimir Putin was like, "In Russia, not even Willy is free." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he's usually wandering around without pants looking for snacks (Federal Inmate #7544)

According to a new article, Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend, former Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, have cute new nicknames for each other. He refers to her as Pooh Bear and she refers to him as Junior Mint. I guess Junior Mint will do until he gets his soon-to-come nickname, Federal Inmate #7544. --James Corden

This could get confusing for Donald Jr. because inside the White House, his brother, Eric, is also known as Pooh Bear, but that's just because he's usually wandering around without pants looking for snacks. --James Corden

Apparently those two aren't the only ones in Trump's circle with cutesy nicknames. Attorney General Jeff Sessions is known as Fun Size. Son-in-law Jared Kushner is known as the Gummy Worm. Vice President Mike Pence goes by the nickname Mike Pence. And Donald Trump's daughter Tiffany is fondly referred to as Oh, Hey You. --James Corden

After a large parrot escaped from its London home, a firefighter attempted to rescue the bird off a nearby roof. Apparently the bird's owner told the firefighter to go up there and say, "I love you." And the parrot responded with “[bleep] off.” Although the story does have a happy ending. The parrot has just been hired as Donald Trump's new press secretary. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now I'm really embarrassed to be a republican (You leave Melania out of this)

According to The Daily Beast, since they started dating, friends of Donald Trump Jr. and former Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle have started referring to the couple as “Donberly,” which is a shortened version of "When I look at those two, I can keep my food down barely." --Seth Meyers

In response to President Trump's all-caps post threatening Iran, the Iranian foreign minister tweeted, "We've been around for millennia and seen fall of empires, including our own, which lasted more than the life of some countries." Replied Trump, "You leave Melania out of this." --Seth Meyers

Ivanka Trump announced today that she is closing her fashion brand, and look, I know it's tempting to make jokes, but please, thousands of kids are out of a job. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Actually, I’ve been drunk since January (three magic beans)

The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump revealed classified information to Russian officials in the Oval Office last week. And there’s talk that Congress might investigate him for it. Trump says he has nothing to hide and that he’ll fire whoever’s investigating him anyway. So, doesn’t matter. –Jimmy Fallon

Trump revealed secret information about ISIS to the Russian foreign minister and ambassador. Trump was like, “Don’t worry, I traded the information for three magic beans.” –Jimmy Fallon

It is rumored that Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle could replace Sean Spicer as White House press secretary. Spicer’s friends were going to take him out for drinks, but he said, “Actually, I’ve been drunk since January.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats