It’s basically a porking ticket (no one in history has ever paid this much for 35 combined seconds of sex)

“It’s really, finally happening: an actual criminal trial against Donald Trump will begin on March 25. And this is for the least serious of his many indictments, for violating campaign finance laws to pay off the porn star Stormy Daniels. He’s too cheap to pay the hush money himself. He’s so dumb. Between the $130,000 to Stormy Daniels and the $150,000 to Karen McDougal, no one in history has ever paid this much for 35 combined seconds of sex.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump’s got an interesting defense. On this one, he’s claiming that paying women to be quiet is not a crime. It’s basically a porking ticket.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday (That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space)

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

Things are completely different since the president appointed a new chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. Rumor is Kelly got the job after he stood up to Trump, when raised voices could be heard through the thick door to the Oval Office. It was seen as an early indication that Kelly was not afraid to stand up to his commander in chief. No surprise. Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday. –Stephen Colbert

“Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated our pre-existing condition of extremely rich people. A Bloomberg report on super-yacht charters, reports yacht charters are up over 340%. This is disgusting. At a time of dire need, the ultra-rich shouldn’t be blowing their money on boats. That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And because Trump got his tongue stuck on a flagpole (US invasion of)

The White House canceled all of Donald Trump's public events because of the snow. And because Trump got his tongue stuck on a flagpole. --Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, a 112-year-old man was given the Guinness World Record for being the world's oldest living man. When asked how he achieved the record, the man said, “I jumped out and scared my older brother.” –Jimmy Fallon

A former Playboy Playmate named Karen McDougal says she had an affair with Trump and now she's suing him. You know things are crazy when you hear the president is being sued by a porn star and people go, "Which one?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm here to ensure that you only see state sponsored propaganda (it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote)

In other Trump news, according to a New York Times survey of political scientists across both parties, Donald Trump has been rated America’s worst president ever. I had a sneaking suspicion. It’s pretty incredible because it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote. --James Corden

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

The Washington Post says that Trump has lied over 130 times in just his first month. If you do the math, he’s releasing an average of four false or misleading statements per day. On the bright side, you can’t say Trump isn’t getting anything done. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s there to relax after months of grueling golf at Mar-a-Lago (It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries)

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

As of Friday, Donald Trump is on a 17-day vacation at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. He’s there to relax after months of grueling golf at Mar-a-Lago. –Stephen Colbert

"This crisis has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries." –Stephen Colbert on the Chick-Fil-A controversy

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They have a very strict “28 strikes and you’re out” policy (once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning)

One person who hasn’t had a great day is Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly, who has been fired from the network after years of multimillion-dollar sexual harassment suits. I mean Fox News had no choice. They have a very strict “28 strikes and you’re out” policy. –James Corden

The nation’s first drive-through marijuana dispensary is opening tomorrow in Colorado. Also, down the street will be the world’s most successful DUI checkpoint. –James Corden

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo (nah girl, you're good)

A Reuters reporter asked Donald Trump about the possibility of impeachment, but Trump doesn’t fear it saying, “It’s hard to impeach somebody who hasn’t done anything wrong and who’s created the greatest economy in the history of our country. I think the people would revolt if that happened.” Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets if that happened. Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets, vandalizing champagne bottles, grinning with rage, blocking traffic with their protest dancing. It would be absolute pandemonium. --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday court papers revealed that the National Enquirer paid Karen MacDougal for exclusive rights to her story about her affair with Trump, and then buried it. It’s a practice in tabloid news known as “Catch and Kill.” It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It was the first time ever that Trump didn't want to hear himself talk (Seriously, CNN, what have I ever done to you guys?)

CNN released a recording of Trump and his lawyer talking about using hush money to cover up his affair with Playboy model Karen McDougal. In response, Trump was like, “Oh, no! Stormy Daniels might find out I cheated on her.” --Jimmy Fallon

The tape is from 2016 and you can hear Trump talking about paying off a Playboy model. It was the first time ever that Trump didn't want to hear himself talk. He was like, “Turn it off. Turn it off.” --Jimmy Fallon

It’s a big story and CNN was the first to release the tape. When he heard, Trump was like, "Seriously, CNN, what have I ever done to you guys?" --Jimmy Fallon

Before the Cohen tape was released, Trump warned people not to believe what they see or hear. Americans are like, “Trust us, we haven't believed anything we've seen or heard since Election Day. So we're good with that. You don't have to tell us.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

OK? I'm a bit of a Cleve-head (No sir, that's believable)

Trump has always denied the affair with Karen McDougal, but on Friday, we found out that Michael Cohen secretly taped Trump discussing payment to McDougal. There are tapes! At this point, Nixon is going to rise from dead and say, "I'm suing you for copyright infringement." --Stephen Colbert

Trump is very upset, reportedly saying, "I can't believe Michael would do this with me." No sir, that's believable. What I can't believe is that Karen McDougal would do THAT with you. --Stephen Colbert

This weekend, Trump defended himself on Twitter: "Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer's office (early in the morning) — almost unheard of. Even more inconceivable that a lawyer would tape a client — totally unheard of and perhaps illegal. The good news is that your favorite president did nothing wrong!" Sir, I know Grover Cleveland did nothing wrong, OK? I'm a bit of a Cleve-head. Only two-term non-consecutive president! --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Tell Me, were you in a coma from 2001 until 2009? (Oh, Truuuump!)

Everyone's in a celebratory mood. I'm not surprised. Happy holidays! It's Shark Week! Merry Shark-mas! Or, for my Jewish shark viewers: Mazel-teeth! --Stephen Colbert

And why is this Shark Week different from all other Shark Weeks? Because this is the first Shark Week since we learned that, in an attempt to seduce Stormy Daniels, Trump invited her to watch two and a half hours of Shark Week. Or as the kids call it, Netflix and krill. --Stephen Colbert

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm just executing my free speech rights (Trump was hugging it while it died of old age)

Today we learned that federal prosecutors have 12 conversations secretly recorded by former Trump personal attorney Michael Cohen. At least one of those is a conversation with Donald Trump himself. That tape, which was recorded two months before the election, features Cohen and his orange-colored client chatting about paying off a former Playboy model named Karen McDougal. Trump's current lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, said that Trump did nothing wrong and in fact he says this tape is proof that Trump is innocent. Donald Trump could choke a horse to death on "Fox & Friends" live, Rudy Giuliani would be on MSNBC an hour later claiming he was hugging it while it died of old age. --Jimmy Kimmel

At midnight last night, Trump sent this tweet. This is real. He wrote: "To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!” Even your uncle on Facebook was like, "That's a lot of all caps." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now she can finally tell us more stories about Donald Trump doing sex (Shh! Michael! Don't give them any ideas!)

But, hey, maybe Cohen won't flip. We're talking about the guy who tweeted earlier this month that he will "always protect" Trump, and said in an interview, "I'm the guy who would take a bullet for the president." Shh! Michael! Don't give them any ideas! --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile, the women that Cohen worked so hard to keep quiet are getting out of their agreements. Former Playboy model Karen McDougal, who claims to have had a 10-month affair with Donald Trump, has just settled a lawsuit with the owner of the National Enquirer that kept her from publicly discussing the relationship. Great. Now she can finally tell us more stories about Donald Trump doing sex. Yay? --Stephen Colbert

I'm sure you've been following the big Starbucks controversy. Which reminds me, I've noticed you've all been sitting here for a while and haven't purchased anything. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

I know words, I have the best words (which is also Trump's philosophy on marriage)

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

At a press conference yesterday, the president said he's optimistic about his upcoming meeting with North Korean President Kim Jong Un, but added that if the meeting isn't going well, he'll just get up and leave. Ah, yes. I remember when President Reagan went to the Berlin Wall, and said defiantly to the Soviet Union, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall — or, I can just leave, whichever is easier. Whatever you want to do. " --James Corden

He says if it's not going well he's just going to get up and leave — which is also Trump's philosophy on marriage. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

I know words. I have the best words (a pooty call)

The East Coast is expecting a giant nor'easter tomorrow. That's when you know 2018 belongs to women. Even Mother Nature is like, "Imma do me, and y'all can just deal." --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump called Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on his re-election. Yup, he called Putin on the phone, or as Trump calls it, “a pooty call.” --Jimmy Fallon

A former Playboy Playmate named Karen McDougal says she had an affair with Trump and now she's suing him. You know things are crazy when you hear the president is being sued by a porn star and people go, "Which one?" --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html