"Have you been
watching the Samuel Alito confirmation hearings? They're so dull, CBS has
ordered 13 more episodes. This Alito guy is so tight that to loosen him up,
finally, Ted Kennedy sent over a couple Bloody Marys." --David Letterman
"During an odd moment
at the Alito hearings yesterday, this is true, Sen. Arlen Specter announced
that he goes to the same gym as Sen. Ted Kennedy. Not surprisingly, it's the
gym that's closed 364 days a year." --Conan O'Brien
"There was also the
emotionally-charged saga of Mrs. Alito. I myself will never forget the sight of
her crying as she listened to Sen. Lindsey Graham defend her husband from
Democratic attacks on his character. It was a sign of how brutal and
hard-hitting these hearings can be, especially for a woman who, due to a tragic
laundry accident, was forced to show up wearing her grandmother's couch."
--"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms
"Senators were
shocked that Alito would belong to a group made up of exclusively white males,
as opposed to the Senate, which is, of course, overwhelmingly husky white
males. If your organization is all white and all male, make sure they're all
fat." --Jon Stewart
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