"Barack and Michelle Obama will appear on Oprah's show soon. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump's hair will be making an appearance on Animal Planet." –Jay Leno
"Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?''" –Bill Maher
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