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Monday, September 5, 2016

But no one mentioned that their banana bread is delicious, to die for (some ammo and an old man's face)


"Speaking of guarding our ports, the Bush administration today ordered a no-bid contract to a Chinese country to scan for incoming nukes in our cargo. The contract was awarded at a formal ceremony in front of a back drop that said, 'Still not getting it.'" --Bill Maher

"Well President Bush was everywhere this week, wasn't he? He doesn't give a press conference for three years and now we can't get him to shut-up. And, of course, he was blaming the troubles in  Iraq on the media, saying 'they're not reporting the good news.' Maybe that's true. For example, today in Baghdad, it was widely reported that gunmen killed four workers in a bakery. But no one mentioned that their banana bread is delicious, to die for." --Bill Maher

 "Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands



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