If Moses had a Smartphone (an amount that priests called worth it)

Donald Trump appeared at a town hall hosted by Univision, where he was asked questions in both English and Spanish, which he answered in both English and louder English. —Michael Che

The Archdiocese of Los Angeles has reached a settlement in hundreds of child sex abuse cases, and will pay out $880 million, an amount that priests called worth it. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means? (When Roosevelt did it, no one said a word)

Donald Trump sued Univision today for $500 million, which everyone's making a big deal about, but what future president hasn't sued a TV network for pulling his beauty pageant off the air? When Roosevelt did it, no one said a word. –Jimmy Kimmel

I'm trying to figure out what to make for the Fourth of July. Hamburgers and hot dogs get a lot of attention, but the Fourth is really the blueberry's day to shine. When you need a blue food to round out your red, white, and blue items, there's nowhere else to turn but the blueberry. Every year, the blueberry has it right where it wants us. I say good for the blueberry. It deserves it.—Jimmy Kimmel

"It's Day 71 of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They just did a poll that says only 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP, to which I say, 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP? That's 18 million people. Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means?" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They don't build'em like they used to (she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower)

Nancy Grace is leaving Headline News in October. The network announced she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower. –Conan O’Brien

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet. –Conan O’Brien

In a speech yesterday, Donald Trump spoke in favor of waterboarding. Trump said, "It’s how I got two of my three wives to say yes." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith (Not You)

September 2012

"Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith." –Stephen Colbert

"As part of the strategy for the upcoming presidential debates, the Obama campaign is attempting to lower expectations. And believe me, if there's one thing that President Obama is good at lately, it's lowering expectations." –Jay Leno

"In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within. So what is he saying — that if we want real change, we should throw him out?" –Jay Leno

"Obama has gone from 'Yes we can.' to 'I'm sorry. No one can.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When Roosevelt did it, no one said a word.

If I was Chris Christie and everyone was focused on my weight, I'd pick an even fatter running mate — someone huge, like 600 pounds. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump sued Univision today for $500 million, which everyone's making a big deal about, but what future president hasn't sued a TV network for pulling his beauty pageant off the air? When Roosevelt did it, no one said a word. –Jimmy Kimmel

I don't know if Rand Paul has to go to Colorado. If he wants money from stoners, he should just become a pizza delivery guy. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet. –Conan O’Brien

There's a huge financial crisis in Greece. They're in terrible trouble. Greece announced they're going to default on their nearly $1.8 billion loan. Who would have thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke? –Conan O’Brien