by god, they should be paying half of my phone sex bill (At least make them wonder how you did it)

 

"During the State of the Union address, whoa what a rowdy crowd. Crazy crowd. At one point, Cheney had to fire a couple of shots in the air." --David Letterman

"But how about that ticket, John McCain and Sarah Palin. Political insiders told me that Sarah Palin's main job, her main job on the ticket now is to tell John McCain when he's got something on his chin." --David Letterman

"If the government has been monitoring my phone conversations, by god, they should be paying half of my phone sex bill." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

GOP launches new legislative effort to control women's pancreases (It’s his version of phone sex)

October 2022

“The Trump tapes have been released by journalist Bob Woodward. Over the course of his presidency, Trump called Woodward repeatedly at unexpected hours to talk because there’s nothing he likes doing more than talking about himself. It’s his version of phone sex.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Why are you agreeing to do 20 interviews on tape with the guy who took down Richard Nixon with tapes? The emperor has no brain.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Adidas has ended its partnership with Kanye West, which was terrible news for people who love shoes that look like severed alien feet.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“As the backlash against West grows – he’s been dropped by his agent, Vogue, Balenciaga, Adidas, and a studio has shelved a completed documentary about him – West seems to be doubling down by purchasing the rightwing social media app Parler. I’m interested to see how this will pan out for Parler – I mean, you really don’t want Kanye West to acquire you. It’s sort of like when Godzilla acquires Tokyo. And the truth is, the right wing has a lot of different sites to post on besides Parler already. There’s Truth Social, there’s Gab, there’s Get Her, there’s hater, there’s liar, there’s active shooter, sore loser – there’s never been more places to go to complain you’re being silenced.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The trick is not to form an emotional bond (That is my defense)

A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. --Jimmy Carr

I quite like those phone sex lines. It’s the only place in the world where premature ejaculation is an advantage. --Jimmy Carr

When a dog is in heat it means it wants sex. That is my defense. --Jimmy Carr

Women like to dance with men because women think if they dance with a man they'll be able to tell what he's like in the bedroom. And it is a good indicator. I tend to dance for about 30 seconds then have a bit of a cry. --Jimmy Carr

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well apparently, some of the folks down there got blown more than once (harmful if swallowed)

"$1.4 billion in hurricane relief was spent on booze, was spent on vacations, spent on hookers. Well apparently, some of the folks down there got blown more than once." --David Letterman

"If President Bush is wiretapping my phone and listening to my calls, I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill." --David Letterman

 

"Dick Cheney and his buddies go down there hunting in Texas, and Dick Cheney guns down a guy. And they're hunting quail, and the quail disappeared. They vanished. And reports now that they're hiding in the mountainous area near Pakistan" --David Letterman

 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It doesn't mean that politics won't take an interest in you (He is a miracle worker)

Monday night we had Dr. Phil on the show. You guys know, Dr. Phil? I’ve been making fun of the guy for half a year, never paying any attention to him. I just thought he was a guy with a show. Actually, he’s an amazing man. And thank God because I talked with him and I've been working with him ever since. And finally I'm beginning to cut down on the phone sex. He is a miracle worker. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

You folks know anything about this Robert Blake situation? Are you aware what's going on? Robert Blake has taped an interview with Barbara Walters against the advice of his lawyers. And I thought he murdered his wife against the advice of his lawyers. It’s the same thing. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

Boy you got to feel bad for President Bush. He’s he's really fed up with the UN's foot-dragging. You know he's really he's really had it, because he's very frustrated. He wants to attack Iraq and wipe them out before his one-term presidency is up. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

This is funny I love when stuff like this happens. Because of the blizzard, Regis Philbin could not get in to work to do a show. Regis couldn't figure out a way to get to work because of the blizzard and the producers panicked, and I'm thinking oh sure where are you going to find a guy who can sip coffee and chat. You’re pretty much screwed. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill (wife number 2)

"If President Bush is wiretapping my phone and listening to my calls, I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill." --David Letterman

"Dick Cheney and his buddies go down there hunting in Texas, and Dick Cheney guns down a guy. And they're hunting quail, and the quail disappeared. They vanished. And reports now that they're hiding in the mountainous area near Pakistan." --David Letterman

"Eliot Spitzer went through this call girl thing. He was known as a regular customer. He was known as Client 9. It looks now like Client 9 will soon be looking for wife number 2." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: new positions/Irish phone sex/i'll call you back

There’s a story out of Ireland where residents in a small town are upset after repeatedly getting late-night phone calls from people dialing the wrong number when they’re trying to reach a phone sex line called Babestation. 

The saddest part about this story is residents are getting woken up by these calls in the year 2017; people are still calling phone sex lines. You know about the internet, right?

 Some of these Irish guys waking up are saying, “Stop calling this number, this is not a phone sex line,” and then their wives are like, “Yes, nobody here is making extra money on the side as a phone sex operator. It’s a totally wrong number. I’ll call you back.” –James Corden

I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill (pretending)

"If President Bush is wiretapping my phone and listening to my calls, I think he actually should pay for half of the phone-sex bill." --David Letterman

"There was a tribute to the Dance Theater of Harlem down there in Washington at the White House, and after dinner, Bush and his wife got up and danced for the crowd. And I was thinking about this, I believe the last time Bush danced for a black audience was when he tried to explain FEMA's response." --David Letterman

"The Attorney General of the United States, Alberto Gonzalez testified before the senate about the domestic spying program. But first there was a big fight about whether or not to place him under oath. Ultimately they decided not to place him under oath. See, baseball players, they have to be under oath. But the attorney general, no." --Jay Leno

President Bush's 'No Millionaire Left Behind' program (my phone sex bill)

"According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years. Of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?" --Tina Fey

"If the government has been monitoring my phone conversations, by god, they should be paying half of my phone sex bill." --David Letterman

 "The House of Representatives passed the $70 billion tax cut capital gains and it's all part of President Bush's 'No Millionaire Left Behind' program." --David Letterman

"There's a guy in Washington, D.C. and he's searching through garbage and he finds a copy of President Bush's travel plans. Why don't we put this guy in charge of looking for bin Laden?" --David Letterman