"Every time a kid found an egg, Michelle Obama would make them trade it in for a low cholesterol Egg Beater. They had about 6,000 eggs, and you know who decorated them? Ex-cons. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress." –Jay Leno
"There's now a nationwide shortage of Attention Deficit Disorder drugs. The FDA says it doesn't know how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't paying attention." –Jay Leno
"The Federal Trade Commission says for the 11th year in a row the biggest consumer complaint is identity theft. Which led President Obama to say, "That's why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate." –Jay Leno
