It's hard to top what he actually said (super wingman)

 

"Next week, 88 year-old Senator Robert Byrd will become the longest serving U.S. Senator in American history. When asked if he was still capable of conducting the business of state, the 88 year-old said, 'I like lemons.'" --Conan O'Brien

"During a press conference today, President Bush said the following. He said it's important we make the economy stronger so -- quote -- 'families can put money on their table.' Yes, then Bush said that Americans should deposit food in their bank accounts. It was a good speech. I liked it. It's hard to top what he actually said." --Conan O'Brien

 

"Eliot Spitzer's resignation is bad news for Hillary Clinton. Did you know this? It's not good for Hillary Clinton, because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as governor of New York. That means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. It's true. On the bright side, Bill Clinton has gained a super wingman." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television (the 'good' kind of Herpes)

"Next week, 88 year-old Senator Robert Byrd will become the longest serving U.S. Senator in American history. When asked if he was still capable of conducting the business of state, the 88 year-old said, 'I like lemons.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In the editorial, Arnold complains that too many immigrants are sneaking into the country and becoming governors." --Conan O'Brien, on California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's editorial in the Wall Street Journal

"This week Geraldo Rivera went to Philadelphia to investigate what he says was a plot to kill him. So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television." --Conan O'Brien

 

"Condoleezza Rice is the most popular member of the Bush administration. Yeah, experts say that claiming to be the most popular member of the Bush administration is like claiming you got the 'good' kind of Herpes." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In response, Jesus said, 'See you in about twenty minutes.' (let's just say they filled the job with the commander-in-chief)

"The United States Army is lowering its standards for education and DUI arrests. It's to recruit others, but let's just say they filled the job with the commander-in-chief." --David Letterman

"President Bush announced that his nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations is a state department official named Zalmay Khalilzad. Or, as President Bush calls him, 'Hey Buddy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After being sworn in for his ninth term, 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd shouted, 'Praise Jesus'. In response, Jesus said, 'See you in about twenty minutes.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The FOX network just announced they have canceled Geraldo Rivera's show, 'Geraldo at Large,' but they are going to replace it with a show called 'At Large with Geraldo Rivera.' Geraldo says that from now on, instead of being called a 'douchebag,' he'll go by 'bag of douche.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He sworn in on not just a Bible, but the Bible (Private Meeting, Do NOT Disturb)

"The new Democratic Congress being sworn in and oh, former Speaker Dennis Hastert does not look happy. I would not want to be the gallon of Ben & Jerry's waiting in his freezer." --Jon Stewart

"Those sworn in included a diverse group of Democrats, from Minnesota's Keith Ellison, America's first Muslim congressman who chose to be sworn in on a Koran, and 89-year-old Robert Byrd, sworn in on not just a Bible, but the Bible." --Jon Stewart

"The real history was being made in the House of Representatives where Nancy Pelosi became America's first female Speaker of the House [on screen: Pelosi offering children to come 'touch the gavel' after she was elected speaker]. I'm pretty sure that's what got the last Congress in trouble." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television (I like lemons)

"This week Geraldo Rivera went to Philadelphia to investigate what he says was a plot to kill him. So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television." --Conan O'Brien 

"Next week, 88 year-old Senator Robert Byrd will become the longest serving U.S. Senator in American history. When asked if he was still capable of conducting the business of state, the 88 year-old said, 'I like lemons.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said in her spare time what she likes to do is download iTunes. And, of course, we all know in his spare time, Bill likes to download interns." --David Letterman

as many gay guys as possible (I like lemons)

"Yesterday President Bush went to Nebraska and gave a big speech about immigration. Of course, to people in Nebraska immigration means moving to Iowa." --Conan O'Brien

"Next week, 88 year-old Senator Robert Byrd will become the longest serving U.S. Senator in American history. When asked if he was still capable of conducting the business of state, the 88 year-old said, 'I like lemons.'" --Conan O'Brien

"As expected, the Senate did not pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. President Bush was behind this thing. The president opposes gay marriage, but not because he wants to deny people who are in love the opportunity to get married like everyone else because he just wants to make sure that gay guys are allowed to have sex with as many gay guys as possible." --Jimmy Kimmel