The crowd practically carried me out on their shoulders. Although I wasn't actually ready to leave. (Occupy D.C.)

 

"Best of all, I got to meet my main man, George W. Bush. I shook his hand -- very soft hands by the way. I delivered the closing speech. Needless to say the audience could not contain its excitement [showed footage of the audience looking bored]. Very respectful silence. The crowd practically carried me out on their shoulders. Although I wasn't actually ready to leave." --Stephen Colbert, at the White House Correspondents' dinner

"Speaking of Hillary, for those of you who turned on your televisions at 11:30, thank you. But you missed something special, Jon Stewart going mano a womano with Hillary Clinton. That's what we in the industry call a 'good get.' And I am so happy for him [on screen: Colbert breaks a pencil in anger]. You know what, he needs the exposure. I mean, who watches the Oscars? [on screen: Colbert breaks a pencil in anger]. Of course, Hillary missed out on the coveted Colbert Bump, which raised Mike Huckabee from afterthought to national contender, and lifted Mike Gravel from homeless to hobo. Oh, and Senator Clinton, the Colbert Bump has just been proven by science. Political science. In Thursday's Los Angeles Times, professor James H. Fowler of UC-San Diego presented his research that candidates who appear on 'The Report' receive 44% more money than those who do not. 44%! I have given more cash to these guys than Mitt Romney gave to himself." --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's two parts vinegar, one part honey and a splash of Mitt Romney's bitter tears (It's the saddest thing I've seen in my life)

"I'm spending Saturday night flipping through the CSPANs. I came across this horribly frightening image [shows Bush and his double at the White House Correspondents' dinner] -- the president of the United States of America, who is now apparently reproducing asexually. The White House Correspondents' dinner: It's the dinner where the White House Press Corps and the government consummate their loveless marriage. It's the saddest thing I've seen in my life: the two Bushes." --Jon Stewart

"Still, I'm sure John McCain is somewhat concerned. I'm sure there was some discussion of the difficult political campaign ahead. Yes? [on screen: Dana Bash saying, 'He was sharing with everybody his recipe for the best, from his perspective, the best baby back ribs. We put it on our website if anybody is going to want that']. You know, you don't have to check the website. Actually, I have the recipe right here. It's two parts vinegar, one part honey and a splash of Mitt Romney's bitter tears." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is the first time in history Trump has called a big bust boring (She’s my favorite Teenage Witch)

The Russia investigation is heating up. I saw that if Trump’s lawyers don’t agree to a sit-down interview with Mueller, he’ll issue a subpoena. Trump was like, “No problem, I love Subpoena. She’s my favorite Teenage Witch.” --Jimmy Fallon

Saturday was the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and President Trump called it a very big, boring bust. This is the first time in history Trump has called a big bust boring. --Jimmy Fallon

"That's right. An elementary school here in New York City is serving only vegetarian foods, like tofu. Now when bullies say, 'Give me your lunch money,' students are like, 'Here, take it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm getting out of late night just in time (And the other one is Hollywood)

May 2014

"The political scene in Washington one of few places I've seen that's more grasping and desperate than show business. Hollywood and politics are very different, of course. One puts out big-budget crap filled with explosions. And the other one is Hollywood." –Craig Ferguson

"The White House Correspondents' Dinner is strange. The E! channel actually live-streams the red carpet. 'Oooh, I hope the secretary of agriculture, Tom Vilsack, is wearing Valentino.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford checked himself into rehab. I didn't see that coming. A sober mayor of Toronto? I'm getting out of late night just in time." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

By too far, does Cheney mean like waterboarding a guy 183 times? (That's 23 with the wind chill)

"Things are not going well with the Bush administration.  George Bush's approval rating is now 34 percent. 34. Unbelievable. That's 23 with the wind chill." --David Letterman

"The White House annual Easter egg hunt is this weekend. The kids, this year, have some extra help because President Bush came out on the lawn and leaked the location of the eggs." --David Letterman

"Dick Cheney, the former vice president, said that President Obama went too far with the jokes at the correspondents' dinner. By too far, does Cheney mean like waterboarding a guy 183 times?" --David Letterman

"Hillary is getting a lot of attention. Republicans are saying she has too much of a temper, too angry to be president. If she really had that bad of a temper, wouldn't Bill be dead?" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing (I'm still cleaning up your last mess)

Amazon is raising the price of its prime membership by $20. Which sounds like a lot, until you remember what it feels like to make eye contact with a cashier when you buy a 40-pack of toilet paper. --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama will attend the dedication of George W. Bush's library this month. Apparently there's still a lot of debris around the new building, or as Obama put it, 'Don't look at me, I'm still cleaning up your last mess.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Saturday was the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and Trump called it a very big, boring bust. This is the first time in history Trump has called a big bust boring. --Jimmy Fallon

"Jamaica is reportedly close to passing a measure that would legalize marijuana. Yeah, in Jamaica. Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio (fanning himself with hush money)

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio. Unfortunately, it froze in the ocean after the beetle’s girlfriend wouldn’t share part of a leaf — even though there was CLEARLY room on the leaf for both of them. --Jimmy Fallon

It was almost 90 degrees in New York City today! It was so hot, President Trump’s lawyer spent the day fanning himself with hush money. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just cut him loose and save the rest of us (Save Trump from himself?)

According to reports, White House chief of staff John Kelly has referred to President Trump as "an idiot." But, remember, it's okay for John Kelly to mock Donald Trump's intelligence because he's not a female comedian at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. --James Corden

John Kelly said Trump's "an idiot" and that "we've got to save him from himself." Save Trump from himself? Just cut him loose and save the rest of us. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's so conservative he thinks watching 'Will and Grace' gives you AIDS (Lies that led us to war, pt.3)

"Sanjaya has quite a weekend ahead of him. He's going to the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday night, which means there's a really good chance he will meet President Bush. It's crazy to think that a guy who did not get the most votes, who's not good at what he does, is famous despite the fact that he is consistently horrible, would get the chance to go to the White House and meet Sanjaya." --Jimmy Kimmel

"In the wake of his disastrous performance before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales maintains that he still won't resign. Really, Alberto Gonzales? You're not going to resign? During the hearings, you said 'I don't remember' or ' I don't recall' over 50 times. Don't lawyers need to have good memories? I'd rather have the guy from 'Memento' as a lawyer. My Commodore 64 has more memory than you, and it runs on bong water. Even the most conservative senators think you should resign. Sam Brownback thinks you should resign, and he's so conservative, he thinks watching 'Will and Grace' gives you AIDS." --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It's the saddest thing I've seen in my life (two Bushes)

"Best of all, I got to meet my main man, George W. Bush. I shook his hand -- very soft hands by the way. I delivered the closing speech. Needless to say the audience could not contain its excitement [showed footage of the audience looking bored]. Very respectful silence. The crowd practically carried me out on their shoulders. Although I wasn't actually ready to leave." --Stephen Colbert, at the White House Correspondents' dinner

"I'm spending Saturday night flipping through the C-SPANs. I come across this horribly frightening image [shows Bush and his  double at the White House Correspondents' dinner] -- the president of the United States of America, who is now apparently reproducing asexually. The White House Correspondents' dinner: It's the dinner where the White House Press Corps and the government consummate their loveless marriage. It's the saddest thing I've seen in my life: the two Bushes." --Jon Stewart

The entire crowd immediately began chanting, “Metaphor! Metaphor!”

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was on Saturday, and President Obama ended his speech by saying “Obama out” and literally dropping the mic. Then Hillary Clinton caught the mic mid-air and said, “LET'S DO THIS!” –Jimmy Fallon

During an after-party following the Correspondents' Dinner, a fight broke out between reporters at Fox News and The Huffington Post. But no major details came out about the fight – 'cuz it was only witnessed by CNN reporters. –Jimmy Fallon

At a Ted Cruz rally, Carly Fiorina fell off the stage and Cruz didn’t help her up. The entire crowd immediately began chanting, “Metaphor! Metaphor!” –Conan O’Brien