Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero. (Ich bin ein water boarder/What a waste)

"The Berlin Wall, very famous. That's where Dick Cheney delivered his famous line, 'Ich bin ein water boarder.'" –David Letterman

"They had a midnight raid and they cleaned out Zucotti Park where the Occupy Wall Streeters were camped out for about two months. So if you're keeping score, here's what the score is now: Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero." –David Letterman

"New York City has 2 million rats. We used to have 8 million rats. Now we're down to 2 million. You know what that means? We lose four electoral votes." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to the monkey house, brother (Incredible customer service)

June 2022

“The lawyer for Joseph Biggs, a January 6th defendant and Proud Boys leader, argued that his client cannot receive a fair trial in the United States, due in part to ‘increased and unquestionably spectacular 24/7 negative press and media coverage’ of the group, specifically citing Stephen Colbert and The Late Show. You know, ladies and gentlemen, I do a lot of jokes about these violent fascists, but to hear that even one of them noticed? I feel so seen. You hate me, you really hate me!” —Stephen Colbert

“Biggs’ attorney argues that they need to move his trial because shows like mine ‘continue to saturate the jury pool of media-obsessive Washington D.C.’ They want to move the trial to someplace where the Proud Boys have a better reputation, like 1930s Berlin.” —Stephen Colbert

“Of course, after we got the shoutout, the article says Newsweek contacted Colbert’s representatives for comment: [imitating Newsweek reporter] ‘Well, Mr. Colbert, do you have a comment?’ Why, thank you, Steve, I do. ‘Want to share it with the people?' Certainly. While this is a very high-profile case, in our system of justice, the accused is innocent until proven guilty. So I want everyone in the potential jury pool to hear me when I say, ‘You are going to jail, you neo-numbnut! And if you don’t like it — and if you don’t like it, you can come and get me. My name is Joe Scarborough, and I love coffee! Welcome to the monkey house, brother.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line (Best I can do is $1.5 Trillion for bankers)

June 2013

"This spying scandal at the White House isn't going away. In fact, it was just announced that President Obama will meet a group of regular Americans to hear their concerns about the White House surveillance program. Or more accurately, to RE-HEAR them." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit too 'going through the motions' at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line." –Jimmy Fallon 

"NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said, 'What do we get if you pick our idea?' And NASA said, 'To live.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama is trying to get Vladimir Putin to scale back Russia's nuclear arsenal. But it's not a good time. Putin just got a divorce. He just lost half his stuff. And his wife gets to use the Kremlin on weekends." –Craig Ferguson

"Germany is mad at the United States for the NSA eavesdropping. This, ladies and gentlemen, from the country that gave us the Gestapo." –David Letterman

"President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven't seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like Jamaica telling you to put down the bong (I miss those days)

“Well, we’re back after 10 days off, and I never imagined that after 10 days a global pandemic would not be the lead story. Remember when we were all afraid of our groceries? I miss those days.” —Stephen Colbert

“In Minneapolis, a group of Mennonites showed up to support the protests. Mennonites! Mennonites think America’s too racist, and they live in 1840!” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s not just U.S. citizens protesting racism in the United States — protesters gathered in London, Toronto, even Berlin. You know it’s bad when Germany thinks your country’s racist. That’s like Jamaica telling you to put down the bong.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition

Since becoming president, Donald Trump has not left the country — he’s barely left the country club. But today, Trump sent Ivanka to Berlin to participate in a women’s conference, making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition. –Stephen Colbert

Ivanka spoke on a panel titled “Inspiring Women: Scaling Up Women’s Entrepreneurship.” And the Trump family has a long history of inspiring women — to march, to sue, to flee from a dressing room. –Stephen Colbert

Stateside, they’ve had trouble moving Ivanka’s line of clothing, so they secretly relabeled it as Adrienne Vittadini. That’s how unpopular the Trump name is — her clothing has been put in the Witness Protection Program. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

UN Commission on Sobriety and Tanning (open with a joke)

Ivanka Trump was booed in Germany. Apparently she told the people of Berlin, “Why would you get rid of a perfectly good wall?” –Conan O’Brien

In Germany, Ivanka Trump told a crowd that her father is a “champion of supporting families” and she got booed. Ivanka said she was surprised; she has always been told to open with a joke. –Conan O’Brien

Saudi Arabia has been named to the United Nations’ Commission on Women’s Rights. In a related story, Ireland has been named to the UN Commission on Sobriety and Tanning. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats