Which makes sense because Romney defines 'life' as anybody making over 250,000 dollars a year (Oh, please, we made one vice president)

Saudi Arabia yesterday became the first country in the world to grant citizenship to a robot. Oh, please, we made one vice president. –Seth Meyers

"On this day in 1912, President Teddy Roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital, and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest. Then on this day in 2012, I spent the whole day on WebMD because my eyelid wouldn't stop twitching." –Seth Meyers

"In an interview Wednesday Mitt Romney, who had previously stated he would not introduce legislation limiting abortion, vowed that he would still be a 'pro-life president.' Which makes sense because Romney defines 'life' as anybody making over 250,000 dollars a year." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Experts say it's especially strange because he knew cake would be there (We're not making that mistake again)

"On this day in 1912, President Teddy Roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital, and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest. Then on this day in 2012, I spent the whole day on WebMD because my eyelid wouldn't stop twitching." –Seth Meyers

"A new poll shows that only a slim majority of Americans think the country is prepared for an Ebola outbreak. But I think we deal with outbreaks pretty well. It only took us a couple of months to completely eradicate Gangnam Style." –Seth Meyers

"Last week North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un missed a ceremony marking the 69th anniversary of the country. Experts say it's especially strange because he knew cake would be there." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when you cover a train wreck you don’t give equal time to the train (leave them for a younger state)

“In Florida, Mitt Romney won the Republican presidential primary election. He beat Newt Gingrich handily. Political analysts believe that elderly voters in Florida rejected Newt Gingrich because of fears that he would eventually leave them for a younger state.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Saturday will mark the anniversary of President Trump’s first year in office, and he’s wrapping it up on a bit of a low note. According to Gallup, Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any first-year president, 39%. Which still seems high to me. Two out of five Americans are going, “Great job, man, you’re nailing it. Let’s go watch ‘The Emoji Movie’ again, I loved that too.” To put that number, 39%, in perspective, a Muslim socialist president who was born in Kenya left office with an approval rating of 58%. --Jimmy Kimmel

Speaking of fake news, today is the day the president promised to hand out his most corrupt and dishonest media awards. Trump continually complains that coverage by the mainstream media is negative. And that is true, of course it’s been negative — when you cover a train wreck you don’t give equal time to the train. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This' (somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked)

August 2011

"Yesterday a brawl broke out during a Joe Biden speech in China. Evidently, somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked." –Conan O'Brien

"The CEO of Starbucks said that President Obama shouldn’t be vacationing during a crisis, and that he should be getting Americans back to work — so they can afford a $9 cup of coffee." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House is pointing out that all presidents take vacation. Teddy Roosevelt took trips to Long Island, Harry Truman would go to Key West, and George Bush would go to Legoland." –Conan O'Brien

"Joe Lieberman has written a memoir in which he reveals why having sex with his wife on the Sabbath is so important to him. It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

on the bright side, Trump finally managed to win a popular vote (I guess we can only pray)

“Of course, impeachment is a dark stain on Trump’s legacy; but on the bright side, Trump finally managed to win a popular vote.” --Jimmy Fallon

“This morning he tweeted, ‘Can you believe that I will be impeached today by the radical left, do-nothing Democrats, and I did nothing wrong! A terrible thing. Read the transcripts. This should never happen to another president again. Say a prayer!’ [After pausing for applause:] Nothing says confidence quite like ‘Say a prayer.’” --Stephen Colbert

“Is it just me, or does it seem like Trump went through all the stages of grief in one tweet? It was like denial (‘I can’t believe I’m getting impeached’), anger (‘I did nothing wrong’), depression (‘This is a terrible thing’), acceptance (‘I guess we can only pray’).” --Trevor Noah

“Trump probably will bounce back. According to one former aide, Trump is ‘the most resilient politician the country has ever seen.’ O.K., not to be all ‘Teddy Roosevelt got shot,’ but Teddy Roosevelt got shot, and then finished the speech he was giving. Trump gets winded carrying an umbrella up a staircase.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Top Ten Little-Known Facts About United States Presidents (he's considered our 27th and 28th presidents)

David Letterman's Top Ten Little-Known Facts About United States Presidents

10. William Howard Taft was so fat, he's considered our 27th and 28th presidents

9. Teddy Roosevelt answered the phone, 'Hellosevelt?'

8. The K in James K. Polk stood for Kanye

7. Like the cartoon cat, James A. Garfield loved lasagna and hated Mondays

6. To conserve energy when possible, Jimmy Carter would travel via pogo stick

5. During one of his fireside chats, FDR accidentally burned down the map room

4. John Tyler was the only president to work his way up from the mailroom

3. Zachary Taylor's vice president was a cocker spaniel named Angus

2. Our only unmarried president, James Buchanan was fond of posing as his own first lady

1. George W. Bush was not born in the United States

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp (This was in no way my last stand)

And you know, when Trump first heard about the arrest, he was furious to find out that the FBI hadn't also been shut down. Meyers as Trump, “What? I thought there were no laws during the shutdown, like in that movie "The Purge." --Seth Meyers

Also, if Trump had to tell people it wasn't a concession, then it was definitely a concession, like that time Custer wrote home from Little Bighorn, "This was in no way my last stand." --Seth Meyers

Do you remember Roger Stone’s outfit at Trump’s inauguration? I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp. Robert Mueller arrested him on seven counts of perjury and five counts of looking like Teddy Roosevelt's deadbeat dad. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How is a porn star gonna pay for that? (A kick in the pants)

Here's a headline for you, Porn Star Gets Screwed. Adult film star Stormy Daniels today was ordered to pay president Trump nearly two hundred ninety three thousand dollars for legal fees. This is related to her defamation suit against the president which was tossed out in October. Two hundred and ninety three thousand dollars? How is a porn star gonna pay for that? They can't even afford to pay the pizza delivery guy? --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Drill, baby, drill (pelts and shiny rocks)

"Bristol Palin is continuing her campaign about teen pregnancy. It's funny that she's going around telling kids not to get pregnant when her mom is telling people, 'Drill, baby, drill.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"We may have another Oprah on our hands. Since leaving her job as the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has made more than $12 million. That is a lot of money for someone who can't say words that end in 'g.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"And they say $12 million is a conservative estimate. She may have made a lot more, and yet, she continues to blame Obama for the bad economy. It seems — weird, right?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The figure is a little bit misleading because most of that money is Alaskan currency, which is primarily made up of pelts and shiny rocks." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Whose book would you rather read? The one by the librarian or the one by the guy who choked on a pretzel? (I've already made a decision not to read it)

"And his wife, Laura Bush, also has written a book. They're going to be published at the same time. Both have memoirs. Her story and his story. I was thinking, well, whose book would you rather read? The one by the librarian or the one by the guy who choked on a pretzel?" –David Letterman

"George W. Bush's memoir is coming out in November. It's called 'Decision Points' and it's about big decisions in his life. I've already made a decision not to read it." –David Letterman

"They asked him if he used a ghostwriter and he said, 'No, the guy's still alive.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I don't always trust politicians, but when I do... (Ooops, I've compromised national security)

"Tony Blair meets with the Pope, hopefully he'll get the Swiss Guard deployed to Iraq. Plus, the administration considers closing Gitmo, I assume because it's cheaper to store our prisoners in India." --Stephen Colbert

"Over the weekend, the President Bush kick-started the Holiday Season by pre-taping his appearance for ABC's Christmas Galleria. I believe the Constitution declares him the Christian in Chief. So to everyone who criticizes the president for not firing Alberto Gonzales, give him a break, you can't fire a guy at Christmas." --Stephen Colbert

"The Associated Press has reported that the Bush administration may close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. I know, it's like closing Mount Rushmore -- in that there's a secret prison inside Teddy Roosevelt's mouth. Ooops, I've compromised national security." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

All the presidents on Mount Rushmore agree (Bush is the worst)

"A New Jersey company has developed an inhaler they say increases sex drive in women. They say it stimulates the brain to make you want to have sex with your partner. It's an inhaler. You know what the means? One day on the campaign trail, Hillary may be able to claim she never inhaled either." --Jay Leno

"Down in Washington, D.C. earlier today, it was so hot. It was so hot in Washington that one congressman actually got into the freezer with his bribe money." --David Letterman

"Speaking of the weather,  Al Gore has a brand new movie out and it paints a very bleak picture about  global warming. Apparently, Ted William's head is nearly defrosted." --David Letterman

Why dat?

"A new study has revealed that the reading level of presidential speeches has dropped significantly over the last 200 years. Or as Americans put it, 'Why dat?'" –Jimmy Fallon


"North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un resurfaced yesterday after more than a month out of the public eye. U.S. officials think that the reason no one saw him for so long is that he was starring in an NBC sitcom." –Seth Meyers



"On this day in 1912, President Teddy Roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital, and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest. Then on this day in 2012, I spent the whole day on WebMD because my eyelid wouldn't stop twitching." –Seth Meyers



George W. Bush would go to Legoland

"The White House is pointing out that all presidents take vacation. Teddy Roosevelt took trips to Long Island, Harry Truman would go to Key West, and George Bush would go to Legoland." –Conan O'Brien 

"They traced the epicenter of the earthquake to N.J. Governor Chis Christie’s aerobics class. No, to Kim Kardashian’s honeymoon suite. " –David Letterman



"Today Mitt Romney announced he’s building a $12-million beach house in California. There’s a man who can read the mood of the country." –David Letterman

John Hulse painting