it's kind of like if you were dying of...

Hillary Clinton complained about having to take selfies with voters, saying that it takes up too much time at campaign events. Yeah, good one, Hillary. That's the way to capture the youth vote — directly criticize their favorite thing in the whole world. –James Corden

Experts say El Niño might not help us much with the drought. Most of the storms are hitting southern California instead of northern California, where most of our reservoirs are — it's kind of like if you were dying of thirst and someone washed your feet. –Jimmy Kimmel