cut back on foods that have the word "triple" in their names

Vice President Joe Biden in a new interview said that he wakes up every day regretting that he didn't enter the 2016 race. And every day Hillary Clinton holds the rag over his nose and he goes back to sleep. –Seth Meyers

Jeb Bush in a new interview this week spontaneously announced that he loves his mother more than his father. And then he ended up the interview by running up to his room and slamming the door. –Seth Meyers

The federal government today unveiled its new list of nutritional guidelines, which recommends that people eat more fruit, vegetables, and whole wheat, or at the very least cut back on foods that have the word "triple" in their names. –Seth Meyers