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Friday, January 15, 2016

For a while, I was their prime suspect



A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien
A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at the factory. –Conan O’Brien
The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien
As of yesterday, One Direction is officially breaking up. Also officially breaking up: my heart. –Conan O’Brien


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