Um, you put your name on the cabin (a second carry-on)

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth mid-flight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

For the first time, you have federal prosecutors essentially saying that Donald Trump committed a felony. Damn. Forget running for re-election. In two years, Trump might be running from the feds. The FBI is going to bust into a cabin in Montana and find Trump with a Unabomber beard surrounded by Burger King wrappers. "Wait. Wait. How -- How did you find me?" "Um, you put your name on the cabin." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Will you carry me? (diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified)

An Ohio man recently proposed to his girlfriend at the finish line of a marathon. And she can never find out that he really said, “Will you carry me?” –Seth Meyers

The Republican congressional candidate for a special election in Montana yesterday reportedly body-slammed a journalist after he asked a question about the Republican healthcare plan. Now, to be fair, that basically is the Republican healthcare plan. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. And when Trump found that out, he said, "Oh, no, he's an Indian, too?" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look, the pinata is singing (yeah, that's our entire plan)

"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." –Conan O'Brien

"This week, footage surfaced of Senator Ted Kennedy singing in Spanish to a Latino group. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when someone in the crowd pointed at Kennedy's head and said, 'Look, the pinata is singing.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said that when it comes to hurricane preparedness, step number one is to, quote, 'pray that there's no hurricanes.' Later President Bush admitted, yeah, that's our entire plan." --Conan O'Brien

"In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

this iconic watering hole was once the scene of a legendary brawl between Benjamin Franklin and John McCain (the other way around?)

October 2013

"A man in Montana's dog ate five $100 bills he had lying on the dresser. The guy collected his dog's droppings in the yard, took out the pieces of the bill, sent them to the Treasury Department with a note, and the Treasury sent him a check for $500. Isn't that refreshing, to see Washington paying for crap from us rather than the other way around?" –Jay Leno

"In Philadelphia, a historic tavern – a tavern that was frequented by our Founding Fathers — has closed because of the shutdown. It opened in 1773. In fact, this iconic watering hole was once the scene of a legendary brawl between Benjamin Franklin and John McCain." –Jay Leno

"According to Pew Research, immigration is on the rise in this country. As you know, immigrants come here to do the jobs Americans don't want to do – like running the government." –Jay Leno

"The government has been shut down for a whole week. If it were a Kardashian marriage, it would be over by now." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait. Wait. How -- How did you find me? (How do you like them apples?!)

I love when Trump says, "I won't get into percentages," because what he really means is "I don't understand percentages." If you asked him how much fat is in 2% milk, he'd be up all night at a chalkboard doing math like in "Good Will Hunting." And when you asked him what the answer was, he'd say, "All I know is I ate the chalk. How do you like them apples?!" --Seth Meyers

For the first time, you have federal prosecutors are essentially saying that Donald Trump committed a felony. Damn. Forget running for re-election. In two years, Trump might be running from the feds. The FBI is going to bust into a cabin in Montana and find Trump with a Unabomber beard surrounded by Burger King wrappers. "Wait. Wait. How -- How did you find me?" "Um, you put your name on the cabin." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The only requirements to compete are that you must be married and it must not be going well (Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship)

Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The only requirements to compete are that you must be married and it must not be going well. The obstacles included a mud pit, a median wall, and a dirt ramp, although most of the couples failed at the final challenge, which was agreeing on a place for dinner. --James Corden

Today, Europe's highest court ruled that Nestlé cannot patent the break-apart shape of its Kit Kat chocolate bar. Kit Kat responded to the verdict saying, "Give me a break." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump has announced a temporary ban on all mayors (Hacks or Leaks)

Trump's turned on yet another Republican. At this point there are now fewer people on the Trump bus than there are under it. Trump said that Gillespie never embraced him. The problem is not that Ed Gillespie never embraced Trump. The problem is that Trump's father never embraced Donald Trump. –James Corden

If you felt in the past 12 months — which many of us have, loads of us have — that the country is going backyards, last night I felt that we were all given a little bit of hope because minority candidates had some historic wins nationwide. Like for instance, Hoboken, New Jersey, elected its first Sikh mayor. Helena, Montana, elected the first black mayor in the state's history. Seattle elected its first lesbian mayor. And in response to this, Trump has announced a temporary ban on all mayors. –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Are you sure that's the appropriate salute? (identical oil-rig birthmarks)

"All in all, this was a great first day for the convention, but, of course, the media did their best to try to ruin it by callously revealing a private matter in the Palin family, namely that Governor Sarah Palin's eldest daughter is named Bristol. Have you no shame, media? That's nobody's business. That is a private pain, meant to be kept between Bristol, and Track, and Willow, and Piper, and Trig, and let's say Snackchip and Toejam." --Stephen Colbert



"And I will tell you, nation, I am sick and tired of people saying Sarah Palin is inexperienced. It is sexism, pure and simple. Her enemies wouldn't be saying this if she was a man like Frank Matheny. Oh, you don't know Frank? He's the mayor of Boot Hill, Montana; population: 7,500. In about 20 months, he's going to make a great vice president. Now, critics say John McCain should have gone with someone who fills in his gaps, like Mitt Romney. But Sarah Palin does more than fill McCain's gaps, she completes him. [Video: McCain: 'She's a partner and a soul-mate']. The clincher was the identical oil-rig birthmarks." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

that basically is the Republican healthcare plan (KFC just called your number)

The Republican congressional candidate for a special election in Montana yesterday reportedly body-slammed a journalist after he asked a question about the Republican healthcare plan. Now, to be fair, that basically is the Republican healthcare plan. –Seth Meyers

During a NATO meeting today, President Trump was seen pushing aside the prime minister of Montenegro so he could move to the front of the group. You're a world leader, a world leader at a meeting of dignitaries and you act like they just called your number at KFC. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats