which was how they got her to the intervention (Tell Mitch McConnell I'll see him on Friday)

Happy birthday to Kamala Harris who turned 62 today. Yeah, her friends invited her to a big party which was how they got her to the intervention. —Greg Gutfeld 

Miley Cyrus told the crowd at her concert that Dolly Parton communicated with her from the dead. Yeah, apparently she said, "Tell Mitch McConnell I'll see him on Friday.” —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as Republicans put it, 'Wow, you too?' (last night he just sat on his couch and bought the Häagen-Dazs corporation)

Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday, Nicki Minaj revealed that in her new song, she only sarcastically endorsed Mitt Romney. Or as Republicans put it, 'Wow, you too?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new CNN poll shows that President Obama now has a six-point lead over Mitt Romney. You can tell Romney's depressed – last night he just sat on his couch and bought the Häagen-Dazs corporation." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Like when someone wears a long-sleeve shirt to wrestle a gator (Why Not Us?)

September 2022

“As we speak, Hurricane Ian is slamming into Florida, and I honestly hope that everyone in the Sunshine state is staying safe. Like I mean, rest of America safe, not like Florida safe, you know? Like when someone wears a long-sleeve shirt to wrestle a gator.” —Trevor Noah

“Just be safe safe. Because I know you guys are brave, but this hurricane – I mean, you heard Governor DeSantis, he said, ‘this thing is the real deal’. Not like the usual stuff I tell you to be scared of, like drag queens or critical race theory. I’m talking real! Like I might fly myself to Martha’s Vineyard.’” —Trevor Noah

“The devastating category 4 storm that hit Florida overnight Wednesday included sustained winds of over 150mph, with a storm surge of 18 feet. This shit is wild! But I also had to wonder: why do we still name natural disasters? It’s a weird thing we do. We don’t do that with personal disasters. There’s no doctor who’s ever been like ‘I have some bad news … Jeremy has spread to your brain.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Should students learn why he wasn't allowed to play? (the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor)

Several days ago, President Trump said an American aircraft carrier was heading towards North Korea, but it turns out it was sailing in the opposite direction. It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor. –Conan O’Brien

Amherst College has decided to get rid of its mascot, Lord Jeff, because Jeffery Amherst famously gave smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. Amherst’s new mascot is Chipotle. –Conan O’Brien

Today, President Trump signed an executive order authorizing the building of the border wall. It’s guaranteed to keep out all Mexicans unless they get their hands on a ladder or a shovel. –Conan O’Brien

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

"Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn't like. When asked what he did, Lewis said 'a sit-up.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess they also banned dictionaries because that’s not what transparent means (For some reason, they suck at math)

“The state of Florida announced a ban on a number of proposed math textbooks for students because of their references to critical race theory or other ‘prohibited topics.’ This official censorship isn’t just affecting history class, because this weekend we learned that Florida rejected 41 percent of new math textbooks. At least they think it’s 41 percent. For some reason, they suck at math.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, the Florida Education Department explained that reasons for rejecting textbooks included references to critical race theory, which the Florida legislature says includes theories that distort historical events. That explains the updated unit on division: ‘A house divided against itself, hey — that’s two houses. Nice.’” —Stephen Colbert

“If you don’t know what critical race theory is, don’t worry, neither does Governor Ron DeSantis, don’t worry. Thanks to his important work, Florida has rejected more than 50 math books after the team uncovered sentence problems like, ‘Jamal has seven apples.’ They felt Jamal sounded suspicious. And where did he get the apples? Does he have a receipt for them?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The midterms are seven months away and culture wars are raging especially in Florida. Florida, or as we refer to it as America’s mullet. The state rejected 41% of new math textbooks for containing what they claim to be Critical Race Theory language or at least they think it’s 41%, for some reason they suck at math.” —Stephen Colbert

“There is a refusal to provide any examples but the process is being described as transparent. I guess they also banned dictionaries because that’s not what transparent means.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”