and a moat and an "elwavator" and a "waser" gun and a giant water “swide"! (the lit end)

President Trump is now claiming that the new White House ballroom will have armed drones and a moat and an "elwavator" and a "waser" gun and a giant water “swide"! —Michael Che 

A new report shows that Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is running as a Republican for Senate, has taken more than 275 out-of-state trips while in office. Damn. He must have needed a lot of abortions. —Michael Che 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

unlimited free electricity is a problem (blowing the seeds off a dandelion)

During a Hispanic Heritage Month celebration at the White House, in which President Trump showed attendees the new ballroom floor, he warned them about falling over the edge, but added, "Only a Hispanic could survive that fall…" ...which got no reaction from the crowd because people prefer racism to make sense. —Colin Jost 

Republicans in Texas are attacking Democratic Senate nominee James Talarico by questioning his masculinity and calling him “Low-T." Talarico said he wished people would stop saying that as he blew the seeds off a dandelion. —Colin Jost 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was the first time Trump’s been in a room where he was awake and everyone else was asleep (unpaid wages)

“If you believe Donald Trump is going to give you $5,000 if the Republicans win, I have a Mexican-paid wall, a privately-funded ballroom, and a three-day long Iran war to sell you, OK?” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, guys, the two-day Republican midterm convention just wrapped up, and last night, President Trump made a keynote address and spoke for nearly two hours. It was the first time Trump’s been in a room where he was awake and everyone else was asleep.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they also approved construction of the Joe Biden memorial ramp (Starter Pack)

So the Supreme Court ruled five to four to let construction continue on Trump's White House Ballroom project. But to appease Democrats, they also approved construction of the Joe Biden memorial ramp. —Greg Gutfeld 

Bill Clinton held a star-studded 80th birthday party at Alex Soro’s Hampton's mansion. That's 80 candles. And for once, Bill had to be the one doing all the blowing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

he spent more nights with me this week than Melania (why not resign, and make this country great again)

Rosie O’Donnell signed off from guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Thursday by thanking “everyone who’s been watching this week, especially the hungry, hungry hypocrite in the White House. It’s kind of weird to think he spent more nights with me this week than Melania.” — Rosie O’Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell also performed a new version of a traditional Irish ditty to close out her final monologue dedicated to a “very special boy.” [to the tune of ‘Danny Boy’] Poor Donny boy your polls, your polls are falling. Your reflecting pool is green as Mountain Dew. Your wig’s a mess, your ballroom is appalling, and with Iran you’ve bit off more than you can chew. Measles are back, inflation is a-swelling; you post all night, you’re sleeping while you work. And what’s with all this useless crap you’re selling? Hey, sweetie pie, you’re driving us all berserk. But there’s a way to end this drama. It’s time to use that stable-genius brain. Since we all know you’ll never be Obama, why not resign, and make this country great again? — Rosie O’Donnell

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe it's the one obsessed with ballrooms and the Village People (Get Custody Back)

President Trump met with the Artemis II astronauts in the Oval Office and told them, "I like space,” which is actually a direct quote from Melania's wedding vows. —Michael Che

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said she thinks it's possible America has already had a gay president. And here's a guess. Maybe it's the one obsessed with ballrooms and the Village People. —Michael Che

Coors Light announced the launch of their first non-alcoholic beer, Coors 0.0%. And I love their new slogan. “Coors 0.0. Get Custody Back.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the current estimate for the war in Iran is $25 billion -- a gallon (What are we bombing them with, White House ballrooms?)

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, seen here right after the bartender cut him off...testified before Congress, where he revealed that the current estimate for the war in Iran is $25 billion -- a gallon. —Colin Jost

Also, how has the war already cost $25 billion? What are we bombing them with, White House ballrooms? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What can you say? The man loves to dance (it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth)

“Originally President Trump said his ballroom would cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors. Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors. Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project. According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner. A billion dollars for a ballroom. What can you say? The man loves to dance.” —Jimmy Kimmel

There is news that Trump will be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration. He wants kids to get in shape. Trump said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.’ While the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth. Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing (The man loves to dance)

“Originally Trump said his ballroom would cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors. Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors. Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project. According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner. A billion dollars for a ballroom. What can you say? The man loves to dance.” —Jimmy Kimmel

There is news that Trump will be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration. He wants kids to get in shape. Trump said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.’ While the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth. Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing. —Jimmy Kimmel

Based on Trump’s social media activity, there were only five nights over the last month when the president could have possibly gotten a full night’s sleep. Now, in fairness Trump does take nice little naps, mostly during the national security meetings. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And selling some hats (It merely required no character)

To protest the construction of the new White House ballroom, Hillary Clinton is selling hats that say, "Not his house, our house." Yeah, I hear she's making a killing. And selling some hats. —Greg Gutfeld

Chelsea Clinton also criticized Trump's demolition of the East Wing, saying it was a place where she used to play hide and seek. Yeah. It's also where her dad used to play hide the baloney. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily, no one in his administration casts a reflection (he won't stop until he finds those Epstein files)

Trump is demolishing the east wing of the White House. And he says he won't stop until he finds those Epstein files. —Bill Maher

In other news, during a White House press conference on Monday, Trump claimed that a cameraman hit a mirror with a piece of equipment. Luckily, no one in his administration casts a reflection. —Seth Meyers

After Trump praised the Australian prime minister, Anthony Albanese, during a press conference on Monday, Albanese said that he would use clips of those compliments in 2028 campaign ads. “So will I, said his opponent.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry to bust the narrative (since one first lady found a damp cigar under the sofa)

To build President Trump's ballroom, the White House has begun demolishing the east wing facade. The building hasn’t seen this much destruction since one first lady found a damp cigar under the sofa. —Greg Gutfeld

On the Jimmy Kimmel show, Jimmy had a drag queen on to read books to kids. No surprise, many many parents were really upset that the show would expose children to Jimmy Kimmel. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”