I wish it had been you (traffic across state lines)

According to a senior official, President Trump keeps a letter in the Resolute Desk addressed to Vice President JD Vance in the event he dies or is assassinated. The letter reads simply, "I wish it had been you.” —Colin Jost

Texas Senator John Cornyn has introduced legislation to rename a state highway "Trump Interstate" because, for some reason, people associate Trump with traffic across state lines. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That better not be you, Mickey (the ashes of the ruling class)

World health authorities are tracking down dozens of passengers who left a cruise ship where there was a deadly outbreak of hantavirus, which is typically caused by exposure to rodent droppings. Damn it. That better not be you, Mickey. —Colin Jost

Jeffrey Epstein's alleged suicide note was released and contains the phrase "What you want me to do? Bust out crying?" Which is apparently referencing a line from a "Little Rascals" movie, and I think this note is real because Little Rascals were Epstein's type. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

What can you say? The man loves to dance (it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth)

“Originally President Trump said his ballroom would cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors. Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors. Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project. According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner. A billion dollars for a ballroom. What can you say? The man loves to dance.” —Jimmy Kimmel

There is news that Trump will be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration. He wants kids to get in shape. Trump said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.’ While the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth. Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing (The man loves to dance)

“Originally Trump said his ballroom would cost $200m, and it would be financed by private donors. Then the price tag doubled to $400m, which he said would still be paid for by private donors. Then yesterday, Republicans in the Senate pushed a bill that was allocate a billion dollars of taxpayer money to to go towards this project. According to the judiciary committee, the increased funds would be used to heighten security in the wake of the recent shooting at the White House correspondents’ dinner. A billion dollars for a ballroom. What can you say? The man loves to dance.” —Jimmy Kimmel

There is news that Trump will be bringing back the presidential fitness test, which had previously been nixed during the Obama administration. He wants kids to get in shape. Trump said, ‘If they don’t get in shape, they’ll never be able to marry a wealthy businessman.’ While the test used to judge fitness based on how many sit-ups you could do, now it will assess how many Wendy’s tendies you can fit in your mouth. Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing. —Jimmy Kimmel

Based on Trump’s social media activity, there were only five nights over the last month when the president could have possibly gotten a full night’s sleep. Now, in fairness Trump does take nice little naps, mostly during the national security meetings. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Although Brady himself is still fully owned by the Giants (furious dancing)

Tom Brady has officially become a part owner of the Las Vegas Raiders. Although Brady himself is still fully owned by the Giants. —Colin Jost

The winner of the annual America's Best Restroom contest is a service station in Salt Lake City. Though keep in mind the contest is run by Trucker Sex magazine. —Colin Jost

According to nutritionists, the healthiest Halloween candy is peanut M&Ms, with the tiny exception of kids that die from touching them. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery (Hey, give that back! I danced my butt off for that money)

A New York man was arrested this morning after allegedly stealing $600 from the bra of a 93-year-old woman. The woman was like, "Hey, give that back! I danced my butt off for that money." –Seth Meyers

The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The trick is not to form an emotional bond (That is my defense)

A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. --Jimmy Carr

I quite like those phone sex lines. It’s the only place in the world where premature ejaculation is an advantage. --Jimmy Carr

When a dog is in heat it means it wants sex. That is my defense. --Jimmy Carr

Women like to dance with men because women think if they dance with a man they'll be able to tell what he's like in the bedroom. And it is a good indicator. I tend to dance for about 30 seconds then have a bit of a cry. --Jimmy Carr

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays (Trump’s campaign slogan for 2020)

In my day, school dances were very simple affairs. Everyone said no, and I stayed home. –James Corden

This is the sign that the boy gave her: “Say yes or you’re under arrest.” The scary part? That’s also Donald Trump’s campaign slogan for 2020. –James Corden

Tax Day normally falls on April 15 traditionally, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats