which explains why President Bush's codename is pizza delivery boy (Whose fears are unfounded?)

Martha Stewart is being investigated on possible insider trading charges. I think Martha might be guilty because today on her program she showed viewers how to make license plates. --Conan O’Brien June, 2002

US News and World Report magazine claims that members of the Secret Service regularly watch porno on the White House satellite system. Which it which explains why President Bush's codename is pizza delivery boy. --Conan O’Brien June, 2002

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

no one in the Republican Party wants to have the word "minority" in their title (I'm guessing Miller Time?)

Following the midterm elections, Republicans will hold leadership elections this Wednesday, and current House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy is expected to become House Minority Leader. It's tough to find someone to fill the job, because no one in the Republican Party wants to have the word "minority" in their title. --Seth Meyers

President Trump and First Lady Melania attended a ceremony last week to welcome Justice Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. No word on what time the ceremony was held, but I'm guessing Miller Time? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Romney celebrated by going to a victory party and turning the music down (Do you know what that means?!)

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced he is retiring today. “Do you know what that means?!” said Trump, who was REALLY asking. --Seth Meyers

Mitt Romney won last night’s Utah Republican Senate primary. Romney celebrated by going to a victory party and turning the music down. --Seth Meyers

Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie are rolling out a new payment program which allows online shoppers to pay in installments later rather than in full, called Afterpay. Not to be confused with the program they have at Taco Bell, where you always pay for it later. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In fact today, Vice President Dick Cheney shot Cupid in the face (Oh My God!!! We're you hurt?)

"Presidential candidate Tom Vilsack . . . not a lot of name recognition. I don't want to say that Tom is unknown, but his secret service codename is Tom Vilsack." --Jay Leno

"Al-Qaeda released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole's baby." --Jay Leno

"It's hard to believe the No. 1 story, bigger than Iraq, Iran, the social life of Britney Spears, is still Anna Nicole Smith. CNN has officially changed their name this week to CN-Anna." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Even in Washington, everybody's into Valentine's Day. In fact today, Vice President Dick Cheney shot Cupid in the face." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Maybe I'm a dreamer (I support lesbian independence for all)

"Anna Nicole Smith won her case in front of the Supreme Court. I think this is the first time that a bunch of old guys have given her something and lived to tell about it." --Jay Leno

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to the military, they got al-Zarqawi while he was hiding in his safe house. As a result, it's been renamed the 'not-so-safe house.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today (There goes the Republican health care plan)

"The deputy secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested after he tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl online, who was actually an undercover detective. I think the terror alert has been raised to creepy. Homeland Security? We need home room security. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today." --Jay Leno

"They're still calling it a correction. I love this. When CEOs make bad decisions that cause Wall Street to crash, oh, it's called a correction. You know what we should do? Take these people and put them in a correctional institute. That's what we should do." --Jay Leno

"A new study involving 1800 patients and six major hospitals failed to prove the healing power of prayer. They said prayer does not work in healing. There goes the Republican health care plan." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I wish mental health care were as easy to get as, say, a gun (super gonorrhea)

President Trump canceled his summit with Kim Jong Un, saying it’s because of Kim’s "open hostility." Trump said, "I will not tolerate hostility from a fat-faced little Rocket Man." --Conan O’Brien

Doctors are now warning about the spread of something they are calling "super gonorrhea." It’s hard to believe that now the cool thing to say to a woman in a bar is, “It’s OK, I only have regular gonorrhea." --Conan O’Brien

A new report says that the U.S. military is running out of bombs. As of now, the Pentagon is down to 100 bunker busters and six copies of "The Emoji Movie." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one (Yours in Crazy)

Froot Loops cereal has added a new flavor, Wild Berry. People who tried the new flavor say it tastes like “wild berries, plus sugar, minus wild berries." --Conan O’Brien

President Trump informed Kim Jong Un that he was canceling their summit by sending Kim a personal letter. The disturbing part is Trump signed the letter, "Yours in Crazy." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

we know it by it's other name, Murphy's Law (Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs)

"Well, in the Gibson interview, a lot of people thought Charlie Gibson was unfair to Sarah Palin, thought he was talking down to her. That was one of the comments. Like when he asked about the so-called Bush doctrine? Most people are not familiar with the Bush doctrine, right? Well, we are. Well, we are, we know it by it's other name, Murphy's Law." --Jay Leno

"Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as opposed to the Republican health care plan, where an accountant would stand between you and your health care." -Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banking institutions. One expert said it might cost Americans more than a trillion dollars. To put that in perspective, ten Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don't add up to a trillion dollars." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If I die in a school shooting leave my body on the steps of congress (the president's legal team)

Meanwhile, the president's legal team will decide next week whether or not he should testify before special counsel Robert Mueller. Trump could sit with Robert Mueller and get caught in a lie or even worse, get caught in the truth, which would be devastating. --Jimmy Kimmel

Trump's lawyers requested that he be able to answer the special counsel's questions in writing instead of in person. Robert Mueller said no. That makes sense. Look at his handwriting. [photo of Trump holding signed document with spiky signature] They'd have to bring in a cardiologist to translate it for them. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which fork do I use to kill myself? (I better go see Dr. Ronny)

President Trump and first lady Melania hosted their first official state dinner tonight at the White House. Said Melania, "Which fork do I use to kill myself?" --Seth Meyers

The Senate today postponed the confirmation hearing for President Trump's nominee to lead the Department of Veterans Affairs, Dr. Ronny Jackson, after allegations that Jackson over prescribed drugs. And I'm not surprised, "Since Dr. Ronny" sounds like '70s slang for a guy who sells pills in the park. "I'm pulling an all-nighter tonight, I better go see Dr. Ronny." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you know how hard it is to tweet and shred documents at the same time? (If I die leave my body on the steps of congress)

You have to give it to Trump, though. This is impressive. Do you know how hard it is to tweet and shred documents at the same time?  --James Corden

The workout company CrossFit is now getting into the meal delivery business. But their meal kit is getting mixed reviews because, well, it isn't really a meal, it's nothing but ten pounds of raw meat. And you thought your dog chased the mailman before. It's just giant slabs of meat all packed together. Oh, wait, that's a CrossFit class, sorry. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

And now EVERYONE wants her to sign a nondisclosure agreement (I blame the media...)

The manager at a Sonic restaurant in Mississippi recently posted a message asking customers not to smoke weed in the drive-thru. Meanwhile Taco Bell offered them a light. --Seth Meyers

The lawyer for adult film star Stormy Daniels said in a new interview that Daniels can describe President Trump’s “genitalia in great detail.” And now EVERYONE wants her to sign a nondisclosure agreement. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Who is the idiot who thought arming teachers was a good idea? (I guess the whiskey decanter?)

According to The Washington Post, special counsel Robert Mueller informed President Trump’s attorneys last month that he is continuing to investigate Trump but does not consider him a criminal target at this point. Of course, that could change if Trump slips up and makes 50 more mistakes. --Seth Meyers

Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, “Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Whenever I celebrate National Meth Day, it always ends up being National Meth Month (Parkland Student Smears)

"After weeks of mock testimony, there you have it. Alberto Gonzales doesn't know what happened, but he assures you, what he doesn't remember was handled properly." --Jon Stewart

"Gonzales used the phrase 'I don't recall' 45 times before lunch. I should point out ... that's a lot. What could make a guy forget such a big decision that happened so recently? [on screen: Gonzales saying, 'I went back and looked at my calendar for that week. I traveled to Mexico for the inauguration of the new president. We had National Meth Awareness Day']. Now we know! You know, I'm the same way, Alberto. Whenever I celebrate National Meth Day, it always ends up being National Meth Month." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

If I die in a school shooting leave my body on the steps of congress (Is 28% still technically an approval rating?)

"Over the weekend in the West Bank, Palestinian gunmen overtook the former home of Yasser Arafat and stole his Nobel Peace Prize. After hearing about it, the Dalai Lama said, 'If anybody messes with my Nobel Peace Prize, I will f them up.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low of 28%. Here's my question: Is 28% still technically an approval rating?" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, down in Washington, DC, it was Malaria Awareness Day. Here's the sad part ... a confused President Bush sent 20,000 troops to Malaria." --David Letterman

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

no matter how many times he clears his browser history (raw cleavage footage)

The darned Stormy Daniels scandal just will not go away for Donald Trump — no matter how many times he clears his browser history. --Stephen Colbert

Huge developments yesterday, when Stormy Daniels' attorney Michael Avenatti, filed a motion seeking to depose President Donald Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen. Avenatti says that he "Intends to prove that the hush agreement did not have a lawful object or purpose." Oh, how dare you? Of course this agreement has a lawful purpose! It has given Anderson Cooper hundreds of hours of Stormy Daniels raw cleavage footage. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Ireland will be opening its first nude beach this April (two porn stars away from being re-elected)

President Trump's approval rating has gone up to 45%. At this rate, he is two porn stars away from being re-elected. --Conan O’Brien

Ireland will be opening its first nude beach this April. And in May, Ireland will be closing its first nude beach. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

put it on something he pays attention to, like a cheeseburger or Ivanka (60 Russians)

Donald Trump loves to trash talk people, but, strangely, he has never said one bad thing about Vladimir Putin. In fact, last week, Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning a shady election in which he was the only real candidate, despite the fact that his advisors gave him notes in all-capital letters stating "DO NOT CONGRATULATE.” Come on guys, if you want him to read a note, put it on something he pays attention to, like a cheeseburger or Ivanka. --Stephen Colbert

So, up till now, he's been a huge fan of Putin. Well, yesterday, all that... Stayed the same. But the United States did expel 60 Russians over a U.K. poison attack. Normally, for Trump to expel that many people, they have to be in his cabinet. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

shoveling coal into the furnace of Hell (He likes to have his choices)

"It's Friday, which means Rudy Giuliani is pro-choice again. Actually, presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani says he believes in a woman's right to choose, and he's shown that time and time again when it comes to choosing women. He likes to have his choices. I think this is his third one." --Jay Leno

"They killed the Taliban's top commander in Afghanistan. You know, it's going to be nice for Saddam Hussein to have help shoveling coal into the furnace of Hell." --David Letterman

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html