Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (He should get fired just for that)

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

"NBC News reported that CIA Director Porter Goss did not resign. They now say he was fired, and apparently didn't know it was coming. Which is pretty bad, when you're the head of the CIA and you don't know what's coming. He should get fired just for that." --Jay Leno

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (Just like that)

 

"As you know, President Bush is calling for an amendment against gay marriage or as President Bush calls it, 'Leave That Fellas Behind.'" --Jay Leno

"I've been watching that John Adams miniseries on HBO. Have you seen this? Boy, it's really good. You know, it's fun to see all the Founding Fathers. They're all in it. John Adams, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John McCain." --Jay Leno

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings (That's what the Cayman Islands are for)

"In an interview, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that one of her all-time favorite songs is 'Rocket Man' by Elton John. She said the song reminds of her first boyfriend in college. 'Rocket Man'? So either he's very fast or very gay." --Jay Leno

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

"Have you heard about Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin? He's renounced his U.S. citizenship because it'll save him millions of dollars of taxes — to which Mitt Romney said, 'That's what the Cayman Islands are for.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I tell you, when he was at college his blood alcohol level was higher than that (official cause of death was listed as Karma)

"More bad news for President Bush, his approval rating now dropped again, now at 33%. I tell you, when he was at college his blood alcohol level was higher than that. I'll give you an idea of how bad Bush's approval rating is, today he got turned down by Di-Tech." --Jay Leno

"An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs." –Jay Leno

"More problems for the White House. Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff said he met with President Bush almost a dozen times, contradicting the White House claims that Bush didn't know him. In President Bush's defense, it was pretty dark inside Abramoff's back pocket." --Jay Leno

 

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.' (Tony nominations)

"More news out of New York. The new Broadway play about Enron didn't get any major Tony nominations and will lose $4 million when it closes on Sunday. In other words, it was a major success compared to the real Enron." –Jimmy Fallon

"There's speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered 'billion' instead of 'million' on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Has anybody ever had $1 trillion and still failed? (roasted pig in a lipstick glaze)

"You know? I mean, I understand if you're living in a dumpster, rooting through trash cans, you need a couple bucks, okay. But if you have $1 trillion like AIG, don't hit me up for a loan. Think about it. Has anybody ever had $1 trillion and still failed? Okay, besides the New York Yankees." --Jay Leno



"You know, what happened to the old days when we had corporations we could trust, like Enron and WorldCom? Where are those blue chip companies?" --Jay Leno



"I had a great dinner last night. Put on a Barbra Streisand CD, ordered Domino's, saved $28,488. Last night, Barack Obama hosted a dinner with Barbra Streisand singing. It was $28,500 a plate. $28,500 a plate! But, to be fair, that did include an all-you-can-eat salad buffet. That was included. I guess the food was pretty exotic. The main course was roasted pig in a lipstick glaze." --Jay Leno



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

"It was announced today that George Bush's childhood home in Texas has been turned into a museum. Unfortunately, once you get inside you can't find your way out." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes, which is pretty amazing when you consider before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery." --Jay Leno

Are you angry because you had to pay for your own divorce and your own sex change?

"Here's the latest deal on the Hurricane Katrina/FEMA situation. FEMA's relief funds, $1.2 billion, were spent on things like a divorce, a sex change. Does this make you angry? Are you angry because you had to pay for your own divorce and your own sex change?" --David Letterman

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes, which is pretty amazing when you consider before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery." --Jay Leno

Martha Stewart said she'd wait for him

"A jury found former Enron sleezeballs Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Ken Lay? That's not a good name to have when you're going to prison. And Kenny Boy ain't too good either. I guess in prison they'll have done to them what they did to the stockholders." --Jay Leno

"Former CEO of Enron Ken Lay is going away. He's going to be sentenced in September, and it could be 16-18 years. But he got some good news today -- Martha said she'd wait for him." --David Letterman

"Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison." --Jay Leno

and soon, his ass will be in the hands of someone named Jesus (lip-synch)

"The former Governor of New Jersey has written a book in which he said he had a lot of anonymous gay sex with a lot of different men. I'm sorry, that's the book Ken Lay's going to write in a few years." --Jay Leno

"Former Enron executives Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty of bankrupting the company and its employees. Both are facing over 100 years in prison. This makes them the only two Enron employees who don't have to worry about paying for retirement. During the trial, Ken Lay repeatedly told reporters that the case was 'in the hands of God.' Yea, and soon, his ass will be in the hands of someone named 'Jesus.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." --David Letterman

in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (VP short list)

On the formula for allocating Homeland Security anti-terror grants: "It's believed to be the total population of your city divided by square mileage times Baptists over synagogues divided by the square root of the number of Waffle Houses over swimming holes. All that times the ratio of guns to Spanish language radio stations times zero. Plus, whether or not where you live voted for Bush. To most Americans, New York isn't even in America. It's more like part of 'Gayjewistan.' If you want to truly preserve the iconic American community, you have to throw money at a certain small town -- a place where everyone knows their neighbor, where you can leave your doors unlocked without fear, where hard work and traditional values are all that stands between you and a better life. It doesn't exist, but it just got $500 million from Michael Chertoff." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

Because I'm the Vice President and You're Not (Godzilla museum)

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno 

"This week Geraldo Rivera went to Philadelphia to investigate what he says was a plot to kill him. So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television." --Conan O'Brien

"Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings." --Jay Leno

She's also opposed to her husband's views on MILFs

"Senator Larry Craig has been selected for the Idaho Hall of Fame. Well, what a well thought out choice that was. Actually, he's not being inducted into the entire hall, just the men's room" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday on the campaign trail Senator Hillary Clinton was extremely critical of NAFTA, even though the program was implemented by  Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Hillary said, 'It's not just NAFTA. I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

"They finally revealed the cause of those fires in the bathroom of the Senate office building last week. Turns out, Idaho  Senator Larry Craig's scented candle tipped over and lit his massage oils on fire." -Jay Leno

"Hybrid vehicles are so quiet at slow speeds that blind people say they are a safety risk. Again, this is another issue I don't think  President Bush understands. Like today, Bush said, 'Maybe blind people shouldn't be driving them'" --Jay Leno