Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (He should get fired just for that)

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

"NBC News reported that CIA Director Porter Goss did not resign. They now say he was fired, and apparently didn't know it was coming. Which is pretty bad, when you're the head of the CIA and you don't know what's coming. He should get fired just for that." --Jay Leno

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Martha Stewart said she'd wait for him

"A jury found former Enron sleezeballs Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Ken Lay? That's not a good name to have when you're going to prison. And Kenny Boy ain't too good either. I guess in prison they'll have done to them what they did to the stockholders." --Jay Leno

"Former CEO of Enron Ken Lay is going away. He's going to be sentenced in September, and it could be 16-18 years. But he got some good news today -- Martha said she'd wait for him." --David Letterman

"Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison." --Jay Leno

and soon, his ass will be in the hands of someone named Jesus (lip-synch)

"The former Governor of New Jersey has written a book in which he said he had a lot of anonymous gay sex with a lot of different men. I'm sorry, that's the book Ken Lay's going to write in a few years." --Jay Leno

"Former Enron executives Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty of bankrupting the company and its employees. Both are facing over 100 years in prison. This makes them the only two Enron employees who don't have to worry about paying for retirement. During the trial, Ken Lay repeatedly told reporters that the case was 'in the hands of God.' Yea, and soon, his ass will be in the hands of someone named 'Jesus.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment? Well, the Bush administration has seen it and they are very annoyed about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, earlier today, Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election." --David Letterman

in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (VP short list)

On the formula for allocating Homeland Security anti-terror grants: "It's believed to be the total population of your city divided by square mileage times Baptists over synagogues divided by the square root of the number of Waffle Houses over swimming holes. All that times the ratio of guns to Spanish language radio stations times zero. Plus, whether or not where you live voted for Bush. To most Americans, New York isn't even in America. It's more like part of 'Gayjewistan.' If you want to truly preserve the iconic American community, you have to throw money at a certain small town -- a place where everyone knows their neighbor, where you can leave your doors unlocked without fear, where hard work and traditional values are all that stands between you and a better life. It doesn't exist, but it just got $500 million from Michael Chertoff." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno