Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." (Hey, he's a guy)

In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy. –Craig Kilborn

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." –Craig Kilborn

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." (Hey, he's a guy)

In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy. –Craig Kilborn

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." –Craig Kilborn

The Republican Convention goes on all week, and of course, the highlight will be toward the end of the week. George Bush will show up for one day, you know, just like he did in the National Guard. –David Letterman

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused. –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today Bush declared victory in the "War on Jobs." (Hey, he's a guy)

In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy. –Craig Kilborn

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs." –Craig Kilborn

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Michael Jackson must be scared to death

"President George Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme — 'Safer, Stronger, and Tested.' Isn't that a condom ad?" —Jay Leno



"Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." —Craig Kilborn



"Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year." —Jay Leno



"How amazing is that? A jury convicting a rich white woman on felony charges. Michael Jackson must be scared to death." —Jay Leno



They actually found some old Al Gore ballots

"There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'" —Craig Kilborn



"Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also agreed to meet with the (9/11) commission. He's going to testify, but he said he wants have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be president and have to have an adult with him." —Jay Leno



"They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing American jobs anymore, he's branching out to other countries." —Jay Leno



There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.
- David Letterman

Part two: rent a U-Haul

"President Bush said last night that they'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance they're going to give him a 30-second head start." —Jay Leno

"Some possible high profile targets are the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention. So in response, President Bush increased security at the following locations: the Republican National Convention." —Craig Kilborn

"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." —David Letterman



Bush is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress

"President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense — he wants to know what was going on, too." —David Letterman



"President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?" —Jay Leno



"President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers." —Craig Kilborn



I hear he's already working on his concession smirk

"With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something." -Craig Kilborn

"Doctor's concluded that the president Bush's fall hadn't done any damage when he appeared confused and disoriented." -Craig Kilborn

"The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk." -Craig Kilborn

a 30-second head start...

"President Bush said last night that they'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance they're going to give him a 30-second head start." —Jay Leno

"Some possible high profile targets are the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention. So in response, President Bush increased security at the following locations: the Republican National Convention." —Craig Kilborn

"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." —David Letterman

Oh, wait a minute. That's her father.

 "President Bush's daughter Jenna was cited for underage drinking. That's too bad, when you see something like that happen. She was apparently slurring words, couldn't remember the alphabet. Oh, wait a minute. That's her father." —David Letterman

 "Jenna and Barbara Bush celebrated their 21st birthday last week with a party at the Cheers Shot bar in Austin. Following Bush tradition, the drinking started at 5 p.m. and will end in 19 years." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush's twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, turned 21 on Monday. After receiving their birthday cake, Barbara and Jenna made a wish and then blew a .25 on the breathalyzer. ... The White House would not release a statement on how the twins celebrated the milestone, but they did say Dick Cheney's undisclosed location was totally trashed." —Craig Kilborn

Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer

"Did you see President Bush land on the aircraft carrier? President Bush told reporters on the carrier after he landed that the pilot actually let him fly the plane for a little bit. In a related story, Dick Cheney said that he once let President Bush run the country for a few minutes." —Conan O'Brien

"You probably all heard about President Bush's nickname for Vladamir Putin, Pootie-Poot. See, he likes to give nicknames to everybody. He calls his dad '41', because he was the 41st president, and he calls Dick Cheney 'Boss.'" —Jay Leno

 "As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings." —Craig Kilborn

What does Iraq have in common with drinking beer in Texas?

"You never see Bush in the Oval Office. He's always playing golf, or he's riding a horse in Texas, or he's playing tennis. You know? I can't tell if he's president or filming a feminine hygiene commercial." —Jay Leno

"Senator John McCain recently compared the situation in Iraq to the Vietnam era — to which President Bush replied, 'What does Iraq have in common with drinking beer in Texas?'" —Craig Kilborn

"The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." —Jay Leno

Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.

 "In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." —Craig Kilborn

 "President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth." —Jon Stewart

"President Bush said today he would like America to establish a permanent base on the moon. This is all part of his plan to get Americans used to an environment where the air is un-breathable and there are no trees." —Jay Leno

That's why it's a 60-second spot

"President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot." —Jay Leno



"President George Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'" —Jay Leno

"President George Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme — 'Safer, Stronger, and Tested.' Isn't that a condom ad?" —Jay Leno



"Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." —Craig Kilborn

You don't want too many amateurs on in one night

"President Bush is everywhere. He's been on the Larry King Show, he's been on the Today Show. He was on Rachel Ray this morning waterboarding a veal cutlet." –David Letterman

"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." —David Letterman



"Some possible high profile targets are the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention. So in response, President Bush increased security at the following locations: the Republican National Convention." —Craig Kilborn

"Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night." —David Letterman



Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein!

"Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'" —Jay Leno

"Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go." —Jon Stewart

42 percent of his presidency

"You probably all heard about President Bush's nickname for Vladamir Putin, Pootie-Poot. See, he likes to give nicknames to everybody. He calls his dad '41', because he was the 41st president, and he calls Dick Cheney 'Boss.'" —Jay Leno

 "As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings." —Craig Kilborn

"The Washington Post reported that if you add up all the time Bush has spent in Texas, he's there for a whole month. Then you add up all the time he spends at Camp David, and his parents house in Maine and add up all the travel time getting to and from these places, and it adds up to 42 percent of his presidency. In fact, he'd actually have to win a second term just to complete his first term." —Jay Leno

What does Iraq have in common with drinking beer in Texas?

"How many of you get a month vacation? Well President Bush will be getting his month-long vacation. The White House is calling it a 'working vacation.' And I am thinking, well that pretty much describes the entire presidency, doesn't it? Bush says he is going to be very active, he plans to exercise every day. And he says he exercise every day because it clears his head. Hey, mission accomplished." —David Letterman

"You never see Bush in the Oval Office. He's always playing golf, or he's riding a horse in Texas, or he's playing tennis. You know? I can't tell if he's president or filming a feminine hygiene commercial." —Jay Leno

"Senator John McCain recently compared the situation in Iraq to the Vietnam era — to which President Bush replied, 'What does Iraq have in common with drinking beer in Texas?'" —Craig Kilborn

Here's the weird part...

"The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." —Jay Leno

 "In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." —Craig Kilborn

 "President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth." —Jon Stewart

"President Bush said today he would like America to establish a permanent base on the moon. This is all part of his plan to get Americans used to an environment where the air is un-breathable and there are no trees." —Jay Leno

Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?




"President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense — he wants to know what was going on, too." —David Letterman



"There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'" —Craig Kilborn



"President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?" —Jay Leno



"President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers." —Craig Kilborn