a 30-second head start...

"President Bush said last night that they'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance they're going to give him a 30-second head start." —Jay Leno

"Some possible high profile targets are the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention. So in response, President Bush increased security at the following locations: the Republican National Convention." —Craig Kilborn

"Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul." —David Letterman