easiest game of “what’s wrong with this picture” Mike Pence has ever played (give it to the rich)

President Obama today awarded Vice President Joe Biden the Presidential Medal of Freedom With Distinction, which is an honor only three other people have been given over the last 30 years. Then Biden gave Obama his highest honor, double finger guns with a wink. –Seth Meyers

The head of the office of government ethics said yesterday that the only way for Donald Trump to completely avoid conflicts of interest is to sell his assets and place them in a blind trust. Trump was like, “Fine, I trust Ivanka.” –Seth Meyers

Children’s magazine Highlights has announced that its next issue will include a picture of a same-sex couple for the first time in its 70-year history. Making it the easiest game of “what’s wrong with this picture” Mike Pence has ever played. –Seth Meyers

The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton

"It was the annual State of the Union address down in Washington. By the way, this is President Bush's last State of the Union address. The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton." --David Letterman

"You know, that's what everybody is worried about. They say that Bill will actually be calling the shots. They will be the co-presidents. And I'm thinking this is going to be tremendous. You know what it is going to be like? It's going to be like Regis and Kelly." --David Letterman

"President Bush is standing there giving his State of the Union, and behind him you can see  Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi sitting right behind the president. And man, what a strange, you know, it looks like a married couple waiting for their divorce to be final." --David Letterman

Nobody better mess with your food supply (Bush tax cuts)

"President Bush gave the commencement address at the Merchant Marine Academy. While he was there a cadet, who took six years to graduate, surprised President Bush by giving him a bear hug. When asked about it, the cadet said, 'President Bush is an inspiration to everyone who takes six years to graduate.'" --Conan O'Brein

"The government of Afghanistan has sent a letter to the news stations and all journalists in that country ordering them to report only favorable news about the government. Now I know that sounds harsh, but you have to remember they don't have Fox News over there." --Jay Leno

"Last week Congress found a topic everybody in any party could grandstand about. Violent video games were the latest target of Washington's election year ire. The issue is the video game industry's rating system. Many feel that the 'M' for 'Mature' rating is too vague in describing content. Not to mention, completely inaccurate to describe anyone who plays video games. They proposed a three-tiered system that would start with 'D' for  'Dropout.' 'W' for 'Wastoid' and max out at 'CMB' for 'Child in Man's Body'" --Jon Stewart

Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein!

"Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'" —Jay Leno

"Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go." —Jon Stewart