We got everything we wanted, except for everything we asked for (Who had double werewolves for October?)

You know, we we can't seem to negotiate with Iran, can’t negotiate with Canada. I went into a bookstore today and Trump’s book The Art of the Deal was in the humor section. —Bill Maher 

I know why you're happy. We have an Iran deal. Finally, a deal with Iran, and I love this deal. We got everything we wanted, except for everything we asked for. —Bill Maher 6/19/26 

It's actually a very simple deal. They're gonna stop enriching uranium, and Trump is gonna stop enriching his family. —Bill Maher 

Well, I've never hidden the fact that I like drugs and I've smoked my share of weed and your share and yours. And I will admit the weed is stronger these days. I just found out the new TV show I've been enjoying lately is actually Roku City. The progress we've made in the last few years in both street drugs and prescription drugs is truly phenomenal. And no one's talking about it. Deaths involving fentinol are down 55% from their peak. Cocaine down 37%. Heroin 89%. There's been a 34% decrease in meth related deaths, which has led to a 64% increase in teeth. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally I can make an honest woman out of my Roomba (werewolf syndrome)

So a teen with werewolf syndrome has set a world record with hair covering 95% of his face. This of course breaks the previous record set by Rashida Tlaib. —Greg Gutfeld 

A new study found that most people admit they'd be cool with their partner hooking up with a robot. Finally I can make an honest woman out of my Roomba. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire (He’d never side against one of his own)

December 2022

“We are celebrating Raphael Warnock’s victory over Herschel Walker in the Georgia runoff election on Tuesday, which secured a clear majority in the US Senate for Democrats. Walker, a former football star backed by Donald Trump, was so deeply unqualified that much of the time it seemed like he didn’t even know what was going on. Walker’s loss – the latest disappointment for a slate of Trump-backed candidates – was greeted with light condemnation from Republican pundits. On Fox News, Laura Ingraham and Kellyanne Conway blamed Walker’s loss on the fact that ‘a lot of people’ at the ‘top of the Republican party’ told voters not to vote early or by mail for the past few elections. It’s so amazing to watch these people suddenly start complaining about the consequences of their own actions. You were Trump’s fiercest supporters when he was claiming mail-in voting led to fraud, and now you’re whining that the Republicans don’t vote by mail? Sorry, but you can’t complain about a neck bite after you open the door and invite in a vampire.” —Seth Meyers

“Laura Ingraham, with the energy of a country club patron who’s been made aware they’ve changed chefs, also blamed Senate Republicans for not campaigning enthusiastically enough for Walker. You’re mad that Senate Republicans didn’t want Walker to join them? You think they wanted to spend all their down time between votes talking about whether vampires are cooler than werewolves. You think that’s Mitch McConnell’s idea of a good time? Besides, you know he’s going to pick vampires. He’d never side against one of his own.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull (Who had double werewolves for October?)

“We are temporarily going off the air. We’re in this weird moment right now where it’s difficult for the media and public health experts to convey the severity of what’s happening without sounding hysterical. It’s like being the one person in a horror movie who knows they’re in a horror movie. Like all the sexy teens are like, ‘Guys, I have an idea, let’s go skinny dipping in the pool during the full moon.’ And then there’s a doctor in a lab coat standing there screaming, ‘Statistically speaking, this is werewolf time.’” —Seth Meyers

"To celebrate Shakespeare's 450th birthday, the Globe Theatre has plans to perform Hamlet in every country in the world, including North Korea. Said one North Korean official, 'Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull.'" –Seth Meyers

Fitness tracker Fitbit has announced it will introduce the first band dedicated to kids, called the Fitbit Ace. It will provide them with custom health reports, like “Tommy, if you keep doing that so much you’ll go blind.” --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, cats may have more potential than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just won’t bother to tell you. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even Steven Tyler looks fantastic, for a 73-year-old woman (Who had double werewolves for October?)

April 2013

Stephen Colbert on the Boston Marathon bombing:

"Whoever did this obviously did not know sh*t about the people of Boston. Because nothing these terrorists do is going to shake them. For Pete's sake, Boston was founded by the pilgrims — a people so tough they had to buckle their goddamn hats on. It is the cradle of the American revolution. A city that withstood an 86-year losing streak. A city that made it through the Big Dig, a construction project that backed up traffic for 16 years — I mean, there are commuters just getting home now. Even their bands are tough. It's the hometown of Aerosmith, who are, in their fifth decade, still going strong. Even Steven Tyler looks fantastic, for a 73-year-old woman.

"But here is what these cowards really don't get. They attacked the Boston Marathon. An event celebrating people who run 26 miles on their day off until their nipples are raw for fun. And they have been holding it in Boston since 1897. And do you know how tough you have to be to run in a whalebone corset? And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood.

"So here's what I know. These maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do is show just how good those people are."

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now Deep Throat is just Trump himself (I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing)

January 2021

“The president of the United States sounded like an inveterate gambler begging his bookie to float him for one more race. [Imitating Trump] ‘I just need 11,000 bucks. I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing.’” —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, The Washington Post published an audio recording of President Trump asking the Georgia secretary of state to find enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. Wow, things have gotten a lot easier for The Post since they broke Watergate — now Deep Throat is just Trump himself.” —Seth Meyers

“He’s like a guy without a silver bullet brainstorming other ways to kill a werewolf. [As Trump] ‘What about two regular bullets? Is that something that might work?’” —Seth Meyers

“What you heard is definitely the voice of a man who’s been in debt before. He sounds like he’s begging the waiter at a steakhouse to let him skate on the bill.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

congratulations to the New York Knicks, it’s the best thing to happen to them all year (this is werewolf time)

“Hey, coronavirus! OK, yeah, you can shut down Italy, you can shut down South Korea, you can destroy our economy, but keep your filthy nucleocapsid proteins off Tom Hanks! The man is an American treasure! This is like learning the Liberty Bell has herpes.” —Stephen Colbert

“The NBA suspended its season, for example, so congratulations to the New York Knicks, it’s the best thing to happen to them all year.” —Stephen Colbert

“We are temporarily going off the air. We’re in this weird moment right now where it’s difficult for the media and public health experts to convey the severity of what’s happening without sounding hysterical. It’s like being the one person in a horror movie who knows they’re in a horror movie. Like all the sexy teens are like, ‘Guys, I have an idea, let’s go skinny dipping in the pool during the full moon.’ And then there’s a doctor in a lab coat standing there screaming, ‘Statistically speaking, this is werewolf time.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now that we’ve gotten rid of all the town’s silver bullets (Sit, werewolf, sit)

“Trump also proved that revenge is a dish best served stupid by firing Vindman’s twin brother, an army lieutenant colonel who worked as a lawyer on the national security council. It’s always been my fantasy to fire twins. With the firings, Trump overruled the advice of a handful of Republican senators who urged him not to dismiss any impeachment witnesses. How dumb are these senators? You voted not to do the one thing that could’ve taken him down. That’s like saying, ‘Now that we’ve gotten rid of all the town’s silver bullets, that werewolf will really listen to us. Sit, werewolf, sit.’” —Stephen Colbert

“On Monday, Trump met with several state governors and discussed Nato, which he described as ‘going down like a rocket ship’. Oh yeah, that thing that famously goes down: a rocket ship. This is the man who wants to start space force – before we launch any of those rockets into space, let’s make sure they’re pointed in the right direction.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump also fired Lt Col Alexander Vindman, a Ukraine expert on the national security council for testifying in the impeachment trial, though Trump told reporters it was just because he was not happy with Vindman. First of all, no one expects you to be happy with him because you’re never happy, period. You’ve lived the most charmed life of any human being on the planet and yet you’re constantly scowling. Your face only has two modes: angry scowl, or meatloaf that’s been in the oven too long.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but more importantly, they drown out the gunfire (shooting werewolves)

"Sunday is July 4, when America combines our two favorite pastimes: alcohol and explosives." –David Letterman

"The fireworks are beautiful to look at, but more importantly, they drown out the gunfire." –David Letterman

"You know what is in the theaters right now is another movie in the 'Twilight' saga. Everybody has got 'Twilight' fever. Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, was in a helicopter, shooting werewolves." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, for a few minutes, there will be two George Bushes in free fall (eleven vampires and a werewolf)

"George W. Bush has a plan to fight global warming. He's going to reinstate Pluto." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff is on trial for perjury and his lawyer says he's only going to accept jurors who have a favorable opinion of Dick Cheney. Experts predict that the jury will consist of eleven vampires and a werewolf." --Conan O'Brien

"Former President Bush announced that he's planning on celebrating his 85th birthday by jumping out of a plane. So, for a few minutes, there will be two George Bushes in free fall." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”