The Entertainment Division of the Military Industrial Complex (there’s already a movie about it)

November 2022

The key senate race in Georgia between Raphael Warnock and Hershel Walker will move on to a runoff in December. But Walker has offered Warnock $500 to just take care of it, baby. —Michael Che

Many black voters in Georgia were frustrated with another runoff election because the burden of saving the senate fell on them once again. It has happened so often, there’s already a movie about it called Tyler Perry’s Madea Saves the Senate. —Michael Che

Apple is saying that Covid in China has led to a slow down in iPhone production. Wow. So I guess the new variant does affect children. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When asked what made him stop, Obama said, “Stop?” (I don’t even like to say ‘Billy Bush!’)

Tyler Perry announced that he bought an army base in Atlanta and plans to turn it into a movie studio. And when they heard Madea was taking over an army base, ISIS immediately surrendered. –Jimmy Fallon

In a new MTV documentary with Macklemore, Obama says that when he was a teen he drank and did drugs, adding, “I pretty much tried whatever was out there.” When asked what made him stop, Obama said, “Stop?” –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is still under fire for the lewd and offensive tape that was released last week which he referred to as “locker-room talk.” Well, now pro athletes are speaking out against this, saying that’s not how they speak in the locker room. While Tim Tebow said, “I don’t even like to say ‘Billy Bush!’” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or, and hear me out, flamingos look like other flamingos (past marijuana use)

April 2022

U.S. officials are concerned that Vladimir Putin is keeping military units positioned near Kyiv despite earlier promises to withdraw. Putin’s failure to pull out has earned him the nickname Nick Cannon. —Michael Che

According to a new study, men who eat too much meat are raising the risk of becoming infertile. On the other hand, Donald Trump has five kids that we know of. —Michael Che

Wildlife officials say that a flamingo that escaped from a Kansas zoo 17 years ago has been spotted in Texas. Or, and hear me out, flamingos look like other flamingos. —Michael Che

In a recent interview, Tyler Perry revealed that he has used his Madea voice while having sex. Damn. Dude must like sex dry as hell. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, they’re the Lakers (Haze a nipple heave)

March 2022

Some military experts have been surprised that despite having superior firepower the Russian army has been slowed by aging equipment, poor motivation and inept leadership. So basically, they’re the Lakers. —Colin Jost

The House voted to award the congressional gold medal to the only female all-black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all in his new film Inglorious Basterds. —Colin Jost

Dunkin’ Donuts has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock Macchiato, which combines espresso, vanilla and Irish creme. It’s the festive, sugary drink that will have you saying, Top O’ the Morning and losing the bottom O’ your leg. —Colin Jost

 Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy saying, ‘Have a little heart.’ Or as the contestants would guess, ‘Haze a nipple heave.’ —Colin Jost

According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink the overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiasts when I say, ‘Buh?’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Moderna Vaccine is my favorite Tyler Perry character (dating a white lady)

December 2020

The Texas law suits asks the Supreme Court to invalidate election results in four other states, which is a plan that is so crazy only Texas would try to execute it. —Michael Che

Many black doctors are saying that they are having a hard time convincing their patients to take the Pfizer and moderna vaccines, which is weird because Moderna Vaccine is my favorite Tyler Perry character. —Michael Che

Doctors say that a woman has given birth to a baby that came from an embryo that was frozen 27 years ago. Said the baby, “You picked this year!?” —Colin Jost

A new study by astronomers finds that the galaxy is not as black as previously thought after it was seen dating a white lady. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I would have taken that in a heartbeat (hoping cocaine can fight insomnia)

Donald Trump is the worst person in the world to ease people’s fears about the Coronavirus. Trump’s whole thing is that he whips people into a frenzy of anger and bloodlust. Hoping Trump can calm people down is like hoping cocaine can fight insomnia. —Colin Jost

And now scientists estimate that the mortality rate of the Coronavirus is around 2% which sounds pretty bad. But honestly, if you gave me a 2% chance of dying during Trump’s first term, I would have taken that in a heartbeat. —Colin Jost

Joe Biden won the South Carolina primary just hours ago. But in keeping with South Carolina tradition the losers will get statues. —Colin Jost

Mike Bloomberg is spending a record $3.5 Million buying ads in black media. Get ready for Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to MikeBloomberg.COM. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Donations have gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate at gunpoint (Showing Her Ankles)

"Big news in Saudi Arabia. For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. It's really good. Yeah. Give it up. There's a few movies to choose from. You can see 'Turban Cowboy,' 'The Taking of Hostages 1,2,3,' 'He's Just Not That Into You Driving,' or Tyler Perry's 'Madea Goes To Jail For Showing Her Ankles.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"A pastor in Kentucky is asking parishioners to bring their guns to church to help celebrate the Fourth of July and the Second Amendment. The church loves the idea. Donations have gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate at gunpoint." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Barack Obama has been offered a starring role in Big Momma's House 3 (20 more years in Newark)

"This is a big scandal. Yesterday, someone released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a traditional African dress. Yeah, as a result, Barack has been offered a starring role in 'Big Momma's House 3.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Former Newark, New Jersey, Mayor Sharpe James arrived in court today for the first of two federal corruption trials. If found guilty, Sharpe James could get ten years in prison or 20 more years in Newark." --Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton -- you have to believe he's loving these. One night a week, he's not the one she's bitching at. It got a little bit contentious tonight, a lot of controversy still about the photo somebody released of Obama wearing a turban. You know, they originally said Clinton's camp did it, and they said we didn't do it. If I was Barack Obama, I would have worn the turban to the debate tonight. That's why I'm not running for president." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Still not the clumsiest attempt to get to second base

Tonight was game three between the Mets and Dodgers right here at CitiField! But the big story is from Saturday, when Dodgers player Chase Utley slid into second base and injured Rubén Tejada from the Mets. Or as my prom date called it, “Still not the clumsiest attempt to get to second base.” –Jimmy Fallon

Tyler Perry announced that he bought an army base in Atlanta and plans to turn it into a movie studio. And when they heard Madea was taking over an army base, ISIS immediately surrendered. –Jimmy Fallon