It will make your digestive system say, ‘Jesus Christ.’ (Onion Rings)

And republicans please stop pretending that this is a Second Amendment issue and just admit that you love guns more than people you don’t know. I mean these are your political ads with you holding all kinds of guns. Look at these ads. You look like you’re running for President of ISIS. If you actually cared about the Second Amendment, you would also care about the well regulated militias part. And I don’t know if Mike Pence noticed when they almost hung him two months ago, but our militias aren’t super well regulated. —Colin Jost

Pepsi announced a new Peep’s flavored soda for Easter. It’s perfect for Easter because it will make your digestive system say, ‘Jesus Christ.’ —Colin Jost

This week, I kind of felt like Biden on those stairs. You thought it had to get better, but then it repeatedly got worse. In the wake of the Colorado and Atlanta shootings President Biden called for universal background checks for gun purchases. And background checks are a great start but shouldn’t we also do current checks. Like ‘what are these guys up to now’. Like how much Call of Duty are they playing? Have they recently DM’d a girl ‘Hey’ thirty times? Or how about this? If you want a gun, the gun store has to talk to at least five people from your life who agree that it’s a good idea for you to have a gun. It’s really not that much to ask. You have to list three references on an application to work at Foot Locker. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s the entire philosophy behind the handj*b (Just kidding, this is capitalism in the USA)

June 2022

“After years of demoralizing gridlock, Congress is set to pass gun control legislation with some bipartisan support. The deal includes enhanced background checks for people between the ages of 18 and 21, bars romantic partners convicted of domestic violence from buying guns, directs funds for states to implement their own plans to address gun violence, and provides billions for school security and mental health services. The Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, called the bill a ‘commonsense package of popular steps that will help make these horrifying incidents less likely while fully upholding the second amendment’.

Sometimes I feel like Americans want to protect the constitution more than they want to protect the Americans the constitution is supposed to protect. I’ll tell you now, if the second amendment was in that classroom in Uvalde, the cops would have busted the door down with Mitch McConnell right behind them.

I know for a lot of people, it can be hard to know how to feel about this deal, as it doesn’t include many popular and commonsense measures such as banning assault weapons, raising the age limit or even universal background checks. So for some, this kinda thing feels like trying to stop Godzilla by dropping a few mouse traps around the city.

But on the hand, after three decades of nothing happening, this deal is something. Please remember that. It is something. It’s not going solve everything, but it’s something, and something is always better than nothing. That’s the entire philosophy behind the handjob.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you know he’s attracted to something because his neck pouch will inflate (our militias aren’t super well regulated)

March 2021

This week, kind of felt like Joe Biden on those stairs. You thought it had to get better, but then it repeatedly got worse. In the wake of the Colorado and Atlanta shootings President Biden called for universal background checks for gun purchases. And background checks are a great start but shouldn’t we also do current checks. Like ‘what are these guys up to now’. Like how much Call of Duty are they playing? Have they recently DM’d a girl ‘Hey’ thirty times? Or how about this? If you want a gun, the gun store has to talk to at least five people from your life who agree that it’s a good idea for you to have a gun. It’s really not that much to ask. You have to list three references on an application to work at Foot Locker. —Colin Jost

And republicans please stop pretending that this is a Second Amendment issue and just admit that you love guns more than people you don’t know. I mean these are your political ads with you holding all kinds of guns. Look at these ads. You look like you’re running for President of ISIS. If you actually cared about the Second Amendment, you would also care about the well regulated militias part. And I don’t know if you noticed when they almost hung you two months ago, but our militias aren’t super well regulated. —Colin Jost

Mitch McConnell seen here authorizing the vet to put his kids dog to sleep, said that he’s open to the suggestion of gun control laws, but what he’s not attracted to is something that doesn’t work. And you know he’s attracted to something because his neck pouch will inflate. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Donations have gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate at gunpoint (Showing Her Ankles)

"Big news in Saudi Arabia. For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. It's really good. Yeah. Give it up. There's a few movies to choose from. You can see 'Turban Cowboy,' 'The Taking of Hostages 1,2,3,' 'He's Just Not That Into You Driving,' or Tyler Perry's 'Madea Goes To Jail For Showing Her Ankles.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"A pastor in Kentucky is asking parishioners to bring their guns to church to help celebrate the Fourth of July and the Second Amendment. The church loves the idea. Donations have gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate at gunpoint." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump said he wishes his campaign’s tone had been “nicer” and more “on policy.”

On “60 Minutes” last night, Donald Trump said he wishes his campaign’s tone had been “nicer” and more “on policy.” Trump said, “But then, I would have lost.” –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has stated he wants to make it easier to sue journalists. He also wants to use the Second Amendment to shoot the First Amendment. –Conan O’Brien

I have to imagine at this point, the moon is just getting really close so it can look down on us, like, “What the hell is going on down there?!” –James Corden