Because you know who left the last supper early? (that’s only because it’s never been worse)

 

A happy tax day to all who celebrate. Reports about the Iran War has driven consumer sentiment to its lowest level in 70 years. It turns out that 1956 is as far back as the numbers go, meaning that consumer confidence is at the lowest ever recorded. It may sound bad, but that’s only because it’s never been worse. —Stephen Colbert    

Vice President JD Vance commented at a Tuesday event about the Pope’s criticism of Trump’s Iran war. “I think it’s very important for the Pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.” Hey, JD, I know you’re Catholic, but you joined in 2019, OK? I’ve been genuflecting since the mid-1960s. I think you’re out over your Catholic skis here, OK? I think it’s time for you to sit down, then stand back up. Then kneel. Then stand again. Then shake hands with people around you. Then kneel a little more, then go take communion, then go back to your pew for some more kneeling, because you’re not sneaking out of here after communion. Because you know who left the last supper early? Judas. —Stephen Colbert    

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”
 

Ah, crap, is that Uncle Dave? (Tip your Pharisees)

Januray 2022

“Former President Donald Trump called off his ill-timed news conference scheduled for Thursday, the anniversary of the Jan. 6 Capitol riot — or that horrible day when millions of Americans stared at the TV in shock and grief and said, ‘Ah, crap, is that Uncle Dave?’” —Stephen Colbert

“Apparently, the real reason he canceled the event is because ‘some advisers urged the former president to reschedule for a day that would draw less attention to a low point of his presidency.’ So, every day of his presidency?” —Stephen Colbert

“The solemnity of the day was in danger of being undermined by former President ‘My Little Phony.’ Two weeks ago, he announced that at the time of the Capitol prayer service, he planned to deliver remarks doubling down on the ‘big lie’ to counterprogram the remembrance events. Yeah, you can’t let remembrance events go on without counterprogramming. The same reason at a funeral you’ve got to bring out an insult comic for the people who are glad the guy’s dead: [Imitating comic] ‘John looks good. It’s the first time I’ve seen him stiff in years! Oh! His wife knows what I’m talking about. Anyway, that’s my time. His, too! Tip your pallbearers.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It would be like Judas giving a speech to commemorate Good Friday: [Imitating Judas] ‘Sure, it’s a sad day, but without me, none of this would’ve happened. The real crucifixion was on Nov. 3 — Mary Magdalene knows what I’m talkin’ about. Tip your Pharisees.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry