from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag (Throwback Thursday)

In anticipation of her victory, Hillary Clinton has reportedly planned a fireworks show over the Hudson River for election night. Oh god, remember how excited she got over balloons? What’s she going to do if she sees fireworks? –Seth Meyers

And now, the FBI just released documents from their 2001 probe into Bill Clinton’s pardon of shady billionaire Marc Rich. This is a clear breach of protocol. If the FBI is going to release documents from 2001, you do it on Throwback Thursday. –Stephen Colbert

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno