Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours (Legend!)

One of the candidates at the early GOP debate, George Pataki, said his routine before every debate is to drink a diet lemon Snapple iced tea and pray. Which is also the advice Chris Christie gets from his doctor. –Jimmy Fallon

ABC is dropping plans for a live musical of “The Little Mermaid” because of budget issues. Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only problem is if you hit a bug, you die (don’t drink that Snapple you found on the subway)

A fist fight almost broke out at a congressional hearing after senator Markwayne Mullen challenged the president of the Teamsters Union to a fist fight. He challenged the president of the Teamsters Union to a fight? Does he have a death wish? The two things I learned growing up in New York were, never mess with the Teamsters, and don’t drink that Snapple you found on the subway. —Colin Jost

Six Flags has unveiled a plan for a new roller coaster, which will be the world’s tallest and fastest with a 600 foot drop that reaches a speed of 150 miles per hour. The only problem is if you hit a bug, you die. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Yep. That's what we do. (Patience and Wisdom)

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday the House of Representatives voted to sue President Obama for abusing his executive powers. Experts are calling this a meaningless political stunt that's a huge waste of taxpayer money, while Congress is saying, 'Yep. That's what we do.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is trying to impress his new chief of staff, John Kelly, by listing a lot of facts during meetings. They’re all Snapple facts, but still. “Cats have 100 vocal cords.” “Made from the best stuff on Earth.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's also what it says under Russian Snapple caps (I'm releasing a MEMO)

In a new interview, Vladimir Putin said that he has no disappointment in President Trump. Putin even said he would happily vote for Trump again. --Seth Meyers

Putin also called sanctions against Russia illegitimate and unfair, adding, "Those who serve us with poison will eventually swallow it and poison themselves." By the way, that's also what it says under Russian Snapple caps. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book (But even I doubt I weigh 239)

I guess Congress had 24 hours to pass a short-term spending bill if they want to avoid a shutdown. Trump told them to do their jobs, then went back to announcing the winners of a made-up awards show. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump named The New York Times, ABC News, and CNN as the top three reporters of fake news. His top three reporters of real news were Fox News, his Magic 8-ball, and Snapple caps. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump actually has two cell phones that his staff nicknamed “Trump One” and “Trump Two.” Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Trump wrote his own Dr. Seuss book about himself. We got a copy. Check this out [shows illustrated book]. It says, “The day was beginning, I rolled up my sleeves, I put on my tie that goes past my knees. Too cold to go out, too hyper to snooze, so I sat in the house and binge-watched Fox News. I ate some McDonald’s, I ate KFC, I ate more McDonald’s and more KFC. I went to the doctor, he said everything’s fine. But even I doubt I weigh 239.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia (Cats have 100 vocal cords)

Trump was actually busted for saying that a bunch of people called to compliment him this week, when they hadn’t. When asked about it today, Trump said, “I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia.” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump is trying to impress his new chief of staff, John Kelly, by listing a lot of facts during meetings. They’re all Snapple facts, but still. “Cats have 100 vocal cords.” “Made from the best stuff on Earth.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Wait, it's going to make us like them? (losing the Snapple challenge)

Trump lost a billion dollars. Right now, Gary Busey is like, “Hold up, wait — didn't you fire me on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ for losing the Snapple challenge?” –James Corden

Now, nobody knows where this leak has come from, but some are suggesting that the source of the leak was Trump's ex-wife Marla Maples, who leaked the taxes as revenge. Even Beyoncé was like, “Now that is making lemonade.” –James Corden

Julian Assange says he has secret information about both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and that information may drastically change people's views of these candidates. Americans replied, “Wait, it's going to make us like them?” –James Corden