"Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his
chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, 'not because of the U.S.
threatening to bomb him.' Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the
ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving." –Jay Leno
"The Pope recently purchased a 30-year-old car. He's
driving around Rome in a 30-year-old car. Can you imagine keeping a 30-year-old
car on the road today? There's your miracle, you know what I'm saying?"
–David Letterman
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