which is ironic, because she owes her nominations to a bunch of jackoffs (Shut up and get a vibrator)

"I do miss George Bush. Compared to these teabaggers and the people who are pandering to them, he looks like a professor." –Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell, I created her. Are you kidding, we had her on 'Politically Incorrect' 22 times. You owe me, Christine O'Donnell. I still love her. She does not have a mean bone in her body, or any other bone in her body." –Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell hates masturbation, which is ironic, because she owes her nominations to a bunch of jackoffs." –Bill Maher

"She said that during the primary, 'I heard the audible voice of God, and he said one word: 'credibility.' Which is interesting, because she has no job, there's a lien placed on her home, and she's using campaign funds for her living expenses. Her platform is about bringing fiscal responsibility to Washington, but God said 'credibility.' I think what God should have said was, 'Shut up and get a vibrator.'" –Bill Maher

"Her detractors say she's homeless, jobless, and can't pay her taxes. And her supporters say, 'Finally, someone who represents the average American." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He hasn't been this happy since he saved all that money by not paying taxes (the Wicked Witch is even angrier)

"In the Delaware Republican U.S. Senate primary, Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell won a huge upset. Interesting woman, very conservative. She has come out against masturbation. So not only is she against politicians putting their hands in our pockets, she's against you putting your hands in your own pockets as well." –Jay Leno

"Democratic Congressman Charlie Rangel easily won his primary. He hasn't been this happy since he saved all that money by not paying taxes. " –Jay Leno

"Nancy Pelosi's Republican opponent, John Dennis, has an ad where he depicts Pelosi as the Wicked Witch of the West. Pelosi is very angry and the Wicked Witch is even angrier." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Use this money to pay for universal healthcare, you boobs!

If we were to take one lesson from the shutdown, which of course we won't. Maybe we'd think a little more about the things we are and aren't willing to spend money on. This year we've allotted more than seven hundred billion dollars in defense spending. That's more than the government spends on education, transportation, energy, agriculture, space, justice, the environment, Veterans, Health and Human Services, Commerce, homeland security, housing, the interior, labor, the Treasury and the State Department, COMBINED! That is such a huge number that if you typed it into a calculator and turned it upside down it would say, “Use this money to pay for universal healthcare, you boobs! --Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jamarl Thomas: Rachel Maddow Goes In Russia Frenzy | Uses Cold Weather To Fear Monger About "The Russians"

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Maroon 5 - All My Loving / Ticket To Ride (Tribute to The Beatles)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Beatles - Blackpool Night Out 8-1-65 "Ticket to Ride"

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Paul McCartney on David Letterman Show Interview & Rooftop Performance

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Beatles - Hey Jude

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Let it be - The Beatles (LYRICS/LETRA)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

The Beatles - Revolution

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They got that insulating layer of cheese that will keep you safe for days (Fire Commissioner, Pyro Billy)

Chicago is so ridiculously cold that in order to keep the trains running, they had to deliberately set the train tracks on fire! That’s called Chicago Improv. That idea came from Chicago Fire Commissioner, Pyro Billy. --Stephen Colbert

Some tips to keep warm for the folks in Chicago. If you’re really cold, slice open and crawl inside a visiting Packers fan. It works. They got that insulating layer of cheese that will keep you safe for days. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Keep calm, You’re Carry On (Economy Minus)

A family returning from vacation recently showed up to their flight with a company called Tui Airlines, only to find that their assigned seats did not exist. So they had to spend their entire flight sitting on the floor. Spirit Airlines heard about this and were like, “Wait, we don’t have to give our customers seats? We’re allowed to do this?” The family’s seat assignments were for seats that didn’t exist or as the airline is now calling it, Economy Minus. --James Corden

The family were squeezed onto the floor like baggage, which explains the airlines slogan, “Keep calm, You’re Carry On.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Scientists aren’t really that busy/jug wine and Ryan Gosling nudes/That’s methed up!

Here’s a headline from ABC News. It reads, “Study: Dogs aren’t really that smart.” That’s the headline, but the honest headline should’ve read -- “Study: Scientists aren’t really that busy.” --James Corden

Here’s a headline from Fox News, it reads, “Woman spent months in jail after officers thought cotton candy was meth.” That’s the headline, but the honest headline should’ve read -- “That’s methed up!” --James Corden

According to a researcher in England when you cough eating a bar of milk chocolate is actually a better cure for you than over-the-counter medicine. I guess now we can all put our chocolate in the medicine cabinet instead of under the stairs with our cigarettes, jug wine and Ryan Gosling nudes. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it (hard shell or soft tortilla)

Chris Christie's book, "Let Me Finish," is now available. And Christie's trying something different. Instead of hardcover or paperback, he's offering it in hard shell or soft tortilla. --Jimmy Fallon

Finally, this is interesting. Denmark is building a 43-mile-long fence along its border with Germany to keep out wild pigs. And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it. --Jimmy Fallon

The American Kennel Club has recently announced that it will be opening a dog museum in New York City. Meanwhile the cat museum continues to be your aunt Judy’s condo in Tampa. Admission for the dog museum is going to be $20, $15 for students and seniors. And $10 for good boys. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

5,000 minus 3,000 equals turtle (Lex Luthor after a spin class)

Donald Trump's acting attorney general, Matt Whitaker, talked to reporters yesterday about the Mueller investigation. But while he talked, he looked pretty uncomfortable and sweaty. He looks like Lex Luthor after a spin class. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Trump's national security adviser, John Bolton, appeared in front of reporters while holding a notepad, and everybody could see his top-secret notes. This is real. Take a look at this. It says "5,000 troops to Colombia." Well, it's not the first time a politician has mistakenly revealed what's on their notepad during a meeting. For example, it also happened to Chris Christie. His notepad said, "5,000 wings to Super Bowl party." Up next, Betsy DeVos. Her notepad said, "5,000 minus 3,000 equals turtle." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the polar vortex is the least of your problems (Where is everybody?)

In Chicago, I heard that it's actually colder than Antarctica. On the news, the weatherman wasn't giving the forecast. He was just spooning the camera guy for warmth. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard experts say that during a polar vortex, you shouldn't leave items like beer, eggs, and medicine in your car, though if that's what you're keeping in your car, the polar vortex is the least of your problems. --Jimmy Fallon

Here's some good news, though. Federal employees returned to work this week. Yes. Though one woman says that when she got back to her office she had over 4,000 unread e-mails. Even worse, they were all from one employee who kept writing, "Where is everybody?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position (I can't reach it with...)

"Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson 

"She’s also against masturbation. I'm afraid you lost me now, lady. If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position." –Craig Ferguson

"The Palin is strong in this one. My God. Just give her bangs and a pair of rim glasses and she'd be a dead-ringer for… [onscreen: a video clip of O’Donnell wearing glasses with bangs] Oh my God!" –Jon Stewart

After showing a clip of O'Donnell saying, "You’re gonna be pleasing each other and if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”, Jon Stewart said: "You're in the picture, my dear, because as Oscar Wilde once said, 'I can't reach it with my mouth.'"

After showing a clip of O'Donnell saying, "The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can’t masturbate without lust," Stephen Colbert said: "Thank you madam. Masturbation is adultery. I know this is horrible news for my home audience, many of whom are committing adultery as we speak."

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Socialist Snowplows Are Coming!! (when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands)

from September 2010

"Former New York Congressman Rick Lazio was beaten by an unknown businessman named Carl Paladino, whose achievements include comparing a Jewish assembly speaker to Hitler unfavorably, endorsing a plan to turn prisons into dorms to teach welfare recipients about hygiene, and he's also known for forwarding racist joke emails and videos of a woman having sex with a horse to his friends. Like Lincoln never emailed his friends a video of a woman having sex with a horse!" –Jimmy Kimmel

"In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O’Donnell. Nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O'Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex." –Jimmy Kimmel

“I'm not a political person. I keep to myself. I’m not one to get involved in these things. I’m not proud to say I'll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I’ll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I'll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences. But I'll tell you something. When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's. So listen up, Christine O'Donnell -- and Rosie O'Donnell too while we're at it -- we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you’ll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Groucho marxism (It's for ages Biden and up)

"Experts say the decrease in crime could be due to the aging of the population, increased incarceration, and many criminals finding jobs in the banking industry and on Wall Street." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama is going to release a fun, easy-to-read children's book. It's for ages Biden and up." –Jimmy Fallon

"Well-known, veteran politicians were upended by candidates from the Tea Party. It was especially shocking because I've been to a lot of tea parties with my daughter and most of the people there are stuffed animals." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Young Turks: Republican Gets TRIGGERED Over Senator's Boots

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Young Turks: Establishment Wants Revenge On Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jordan Chariton: Bernie Sanders vs the Billionaires: Who Wins?

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jordan Chariton: Bernie Sanders Reportedly Set to Announce 2020 Run—Bots FREAK OUT!

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Secular Talk: Biden 2020 Would Be A Glib Centrist Flop

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The viral marketing for Game of Thrones has gone too far! (Winter is Coming!)

This story got our attention. A woman in Scotland was recently prescribed an eye cream, and she went home and used it before realizing that she had mistakenly been given erectile dysfunction cream. They mixed up the medications. Which means, somewhere, there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his penis. --James Corden

Windchill temperatures are expected to reach minus 50 in Chicago and minus 60 in Minneapolis. I’m going to say it. The viral marketing for Game of Thrones has gone too far! We get it! Winter is Coming! --Stephen Colbert

Speaking of things that Trump hopes aren’t real: The Mueller investigation. Trump confidant Roger Stone has been indicted on seven charges, and today he pled not guilty to all of them. So he claims to be innocent, but his Richard Nixon back tattoo begs to differ. --Stephen Colbert

Great news. Scientists are working on a pill for loneliness. We already have one. It’s called Cinnabon. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp (This was in no way my last stand)

And you know, when Trump first heard about the arrest, he was furious to find out that the FBI hadn't also been shut down. Meyers as Trump, “What? I thought there were no laws during the shutdown, like in that movie "The Purge." --Seth Meyers

Also, if Trump had to tell people it wasn't a concession, then it was definitely a concession, like that time Custer wrote home from Little Bighorn, "This was in no way my last stand." --Seth Meyers

Do you remember Roger Stone’s outfit at Trump’s inauguration? I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp. Robert Mueller arrested him on seven counts of perjury and five counts of looking like Teddy Roosevelt's deadbeat dad. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The only way that could have been more humiliating for Trump is... (a date with Stormy Daniels)

It's not often that a single event sums up an entire presidency, but on Friday, we got one that came pretty close. Remember, Trump brags that he only hires the best people, calls the Russia investigation a hoax, calls CNN fake news, and his government shutdown left FBI agents without pay. So it was especially ironic when one of Trump's closest associates was arrested by unpaid FBI agents working for the special counsel in the Russia investigation, and the whole thing was caught on tape by CNN. The only way that could have been more humiliating for Trump is if Robert Mueller celebrated by eating a Happy Meal at McDonald's, on a date with Stormy Daniels. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Secular Talk: REPORT: Hillary 'Hasn't Ruled Out' Running For President Again

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: New Deal: U.S. To Leave Afghanistan In 18 Months

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: US Sanctions Are Killing Venezuelans: UN Expert Says

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: Journalists Caught Lying To Protect Clinton Over DNC Agreement

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Talks to Glenn Greenwald About the Democratic Party and 2018 Midterms

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Glenn Greenwald on Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and the debacles of the Corporate Media

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jamarl Thomas Interview: Bernie 2020, U.S.-Led Venezuelan Coup

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: Starbucks Billionaire Launches Out-Of-Touch Presidential Campaign.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”