I like to take a toothpick and throw it in the forest and say, “You’re home.” (It’s Zero)

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. --Mitch Hedberg

I like to take a toothpick and throw it in the forest and say, “You’re home.” --Mitch Hedberg

I was to going to have my teeth whitened but then I said screw that I'll just get a tan instead. --Mitch Hedberg

I met the girl who worked at the front desk of my hotel. She gave me her phone number. It’s Zero. --Mitch Hedberg

This jacket is dry clean only which means it’s dirty. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”